Calling Pets “Pets” Is a Thought Crime


It’s time for a new edition of the Newspeak dictionary. According to the pointy-headed circus clowns who pass down surrealist moral judgments from atop their ivory towers, our current vocabulary oppresses animals:

Animal lovers should stop calling their furry or feathered friends “pets” because the term is insulting, leading academics claim.

Domestic dogs, cats, hamsters or budgerigars should be rebranded as “companion animals” while owners should be known as “human carers”, they insist.

Other forbidden terms include “critters” and “beasts.” Pet owners are not to be referred to as “owners,” because this “harks back to a previous age” when animals were considered to be animals.

The term “wildlife” is not to be used because “For most, ‘wildness’ is synonymous with uncivilized, unrestrained, barbarous existence.” In actuality, academics have discovered that tigers and hyenas sit around tea tables in the jungle, sipping Earl Grey with their pinkies raised.

Certain idiomatic expressions also have to go:

Phrases such as “sly as a fox, “eat like a pig” or “drunk as a skunk” are all unfair to animals, they claim.

With all this verbal abuse hurled at their sensitive feelings, you can see why Obama’s Regulatory Czar Cass Sunstein wants animals to be provided with lawyers so they can sue us.

animals-tea-party.jpg
Evidence that animals are actually civilized.

On a tip from Byron. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.

Trending Today

Related Articles

4

One Solution to Stop Some of Obama’s Union Pandering Labor Board Rulings

We’ve been talking for the better part of the year about how the Obama administration is using its powers to

0

‘Christmas With The Kranks’: Let’s Play ‘Hey, That Movie is Racist’

To show how easy it is to read things into things–like the left does all the time–let’s take the terrible

0

Apple CEO Hates Christians in Indiana But Does Business With Countries That Execute Gays, Stone Women

Apple CEO Tim Cook is making a particular point to attack Christians in Indiana calling them “dangerous,” but he has