Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day!

Tomorrow used to be called Columbus Day, but no more. Thanks to Seattle, it’s now “Indigenous Peoples’ Day!” Sound stupid? That’s only because it is.

This week the city council of Seattle voted unanimously to rename the day—within the city only; Columbus Day as we know it is a federal holiday—because, like with everything these days, some whiny people found a way to be offended by something that doesn’t really affect them at all and demand their grievance be addressed. Progressive governments such as Seattle’s eagerly cave if the crying crowd has a non-white face in front of it.

Derek Hunter

In Seattle that face belongs to Indians. For years, progressive Indian tribes, when not trying to convince people that the name “Washington Redskins” is offensive, have been campaigning with other progressives against Columbus Day. Progressives always have hated Christopher Columbus, viewing him as nothing more than a white, genocidal monster who enslaved natives and spread disease to wipe them out.

It’s really almost as stupid as “Indigenous Peoples’ Day” sounds.

Like a lot of stupid ideas, this one came from the schools. In the days before the city acted, its school district did. The school board passed a resolution that included, but was not limited to, this nugget of dumb, “WHEREAS, the School Board seeks to combat prejudice and eliminate discrimination and institutionalized racism, and to promote awareness, understanding, and good relations among indigenous peoples and all other segments of our District…” (Read the whole thing, it’s all amazingly crazy.)

A parade of progressive grievance groups threw support behind it, and the city council passed the change 7-0.

Councilman Bruce Harrell said, “We are celebrating the triumph of the indigenous people. We are not reveling in the pain of our past, but indeed rejoicing in the triumph… In honoring Indigenous People’s Day we are honoring the best of our self, the best of the city.”

This politically correct garbage stems from progressives’ hatred of the fact that Europeans more than 500 years ago figured out the planet had another half. They seem to think no one would have ever made it around the globe had it not been for Christopher Columbus.

They cite the fact that Columbus, and those who followed, brought diseases with them. Many natives died because they had never been exposed to those diseases and, therefore, had no natural immunity to them. But they act as though Columbus sailed with the Niña, Pinta, Santa Maria, and the Petri Dish. Columbus didn’t have a ship exclusively filled with diseases so, should he happen across a previously unknown people, he could get them sick. That’s idiotic progressive revisionism. In 1492, no one knew how disease was transmitted, or if they were a carrier.

Progressives also depict the western hemisphere prior to 1492 as a Utopian paradise devoid of strife, war and problems. Indians were not a Utopic people; they had wars just like the rest of the world. What they didn’t have was any significant technological, industrial or weapons advances in centuries. Europeans were, by far, a better equipped and armed people. That’s hardly their fault. Were the tables reversed, the history would’ve been too.

So when I first heard about this new victim holiday in Seattle I thought it was about the dumbest thing I’ve heard this year…that didn’t come out of the White House. Then I thought about it for a minute.

I was born here, my parents were born here, and so were my grandparents. I’m indigenous, as far as I’m concerned. If I’m now free to choose my gender on a whim, why not my “native” roots? So let’s embrace this new insanity and claim it as our own. Tomorrow, on Columbus Day, Seattle will be celebrating me! And you! Everyone born here, we’re all indigenous. It’s your day, take it!

I have no idea when my ancestors came here, nor do I care. As far as I’ve been told, the started off somewhere in Poland and bred their way west. They’d marry, mate, and the kids would move at some point. Always west. So I’m some part of just about everything between here and there. And I couldn’t give less of a damn.

I don’t eat pierogi, don’t wear lederhosen, prefer women who shave their armpits and shower, and I don’t subscribe to any traditions or customs of my ancestors, or even know what most of them are. And I’m better for it.

If you use the term “my people” in any way other than as a joke or in referring to your family and friends, you’re probably a bigoted and/or racist progressive jackass who cares more about people who look like them than people who don’t. You’re sick, and you’re the real problem, not some holiday no one ever thinks about. Still, tomorrow is your day, too. Even if you weren’t born here, self-identify as an indigenous person Monday and have some fun.

It’s time to stop progressives from raping history and aborting facts and take them back. Celebrate Indigenous Peoples’ Day tomorrow, but make it about you – the American.

Derek Hunter is Washington, DC based writer, radio host and political strategist. You can also stalk his thoughts 140 characters at a time on Twitter.

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