Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy When You’re A Clown Who’s Cheesy

by John Hawkins | March 30, 2012 3:28 am

Someone is suing McDonald’s, but not because she ate too many Double Cheeseburgers and had a heart attack. No, instead, she’s moved on to the next logical step — suing McDonald’s for making her into a prostitute[1]…ehr wait, what?

A woman is suing McDonald’s USA because she claims she was forced into a life of prostitution after she was wrongfully terminated by a franchise manager.

…In 1982, Shelley Lynn worked the counter at a McDonald’s in Arroyo Grande, CA. In 1985, she started dating franchise manager Keith Handley, whose company Ivernia owns or owned McDonald’s franchises.

Shortly after they became “an item,” she claims Handley had her terminated for no apparent reason.

“At the time Handley began dating Lynn…Handley ordered Mr. McGrady, one of his managers, to terminate Lynn for insubordination which was sham,” according to a Federal Court complaint.

But why did he have her fired? Apparently, he wanted her to become a legal prostitute in the neighboring state of Nevada, according to Lynn.

Lynn claims she was “economically and psychologically” coerced into prostitution by Handley, according to a recent Courthouse News Service report.

“Handley…began pressuring Lynn on an almost daily basis, arguing with her every day that she needed to become a prostitute in a legal brothel, it was no big deal to engage in sex to make money, that she would lose her home and everything she had, which was true,” the complaint claims.

In December 1986, Handley won out and Lynn began working at the Chicken Ranch in Pahrump, NV, where she claims she became a “top booker.” The couple were married in March 1988, but later divorced.

So here we are, 30 years after she first started working in fast food, and Lynn is suing her ex-husband and McDonald’s because she says the company lacked an “adequate grievance policy” for false firings, writes Newser‘s Phil Villarreal.

See? It’s the old woman meets man, man fires her from her job, starts dating her, pimps her out, marries her, they get divorced and she sues the place where they met for lacking an “adequate grievance policy”…or something.

Of course, you’re probably not buying into this because you’ve been brainwashed by the conservative “war on women” and those 1%ers have put a friendly face forward for the McDonald’s franchise, Ronald McDonald.

[2]

Why, he looks harmless, doesn’t he? That’s certainly how he’s portrayed in McDonald’s commercials. There’s no way he could be keeping his pimp hand strong and putting innocent women out on the street with the classic, “Oh gosh, it looks like we don’t have an adequate grievance policy, so I guess you’ll have to become a prostitute gambit.”

Well, what if I told you, that the REAL Ronald McDonald is not so happy and fun? What if there is a DARKER truth behind that happy image?

[3]

Yes, that’s right, folks; it’s time to put in a call to Gloria Allred because if the clown isn’t legit, you must not acquit! It’s time to send Ronald McDonald to jail and turn over all of the assets from McDonald’s to Shelley Lynn!

PS: Because way too many people don’t get sarcasm on the Internet, I’m kidding. She’s a lunatic and this may go down in history as one of the dumbest suits ever filed.