Canadian Man Mildly Offended That America Isn’t Threatening To Invade Canada

by John Hawkins | January 1, 2012 9:10 pm

Ontario, Canada — Canadian Terrence Phillips has grown more and more disturbed in the last few months about America’s total non-interest in invading Canada,

“I’ve talked to dozens of Americans who I met at college & over the internet and not one of them showed the slightest interest in conquering Canada,” a miffed Phillips said. “Even when I pointed out to them that our military had absolutely no hope of even slowing down America’s armed forces they didn’t change their minds. Just what are they trying to say,” Phillips continued? “That there’s nothing here that’s even worth taking?”

Joe Cassidy, One of Phillips’ American friends agreed that America had no interest in invading Canada,

“Why would we invade Canada? What would the point be? I don’t know anyone who’d be in favor of attacking our little Canuck buddies to the North.”

But that was just the sort of answer that infuriated Phillips,

“See that’s what I’m talking about,” an agitated Phillips said. “Not only do we apparently not have anything America wants bad enough to fight for, but we’re not taken seriously as a future threat.” Phillips continued, “Sure our military isn’t much now but the Americans can’t even conceive of the possibility that we’ll be dangerous in the future. Iraq? Oh they’ve got to be stopped before American lives are put at risk. But Canada? They’re our ‘little Canuck buddies to the North.’ What could ever happen?”

When asked if Canada was a threat to America, Tanya McKinney, another American friend that Phillips knew through the internet responded,

“I don’t think Canada is a threat. I mean I drove up to a Raptors game once with my boyfriend and everyone was so nice,” McKinney said. “They do say “eh” and “aboot” though and I thought that was really cute.”

A grouchy Phillips didn’t like that answer either,

“So now we’re too ‘cute’ to be a threat to America? What about our oil, and our timber industry,” Phillips exclaimed, “are they too ‘cute’ to be worth billions of dollars? Canadians are well educated, Westernized, hard-working people as well. You’d think we’d be just the sort of people any nation would want to break to their will to be used as slave labor” Phillips snorted. “But instead of hitting Canada the Americans invaded Afghanistan. Yeah, that was a great choice America. Winnipeg alone is worth more than the entire nation of Afghanistan but does anyone ever think about invading us? Noooooooo.”

At that point a news report about the latest “Iraqi Invasion” plan that was leaked to the New York Times came on TV,

“Just once” Phillips stated, “I’d like to see a ‘Canadian invasion’ plan leaked to the New York Times. That would just make my day.”

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