by John Hawkins | January 1, 2012 11:43 pm
I was a little surprised to get another ICQ message from Doug (name changed to protect the dopey) tonight. At the end of my last ICQ prank, I did give him my web page URL and I had changed all of my ICQ details back to normal. But apparently, he didn’t visit the website and either he has an old version of ICQ that doesn’t refresh details or he just thought I was putting in fake details for some reason. Either way, he seemed none the wiser when he talked to me. Near the end of the prank, his brother got on ICQ and I continued things with him for a while. Read and enjoy…
Doug:: hello friend!
HolyWarrior:: Hello — how are things going in Ecuador?
Doug:: Ecuador???????????BRAZIL is my country!!!!
HolyWarrior:: Ah! I am sorry — the war weighs on my mind so much these days it is hard to think — I spoke to man from the CIA yesterday dressed all in black named Kay and he talked for a long time to me and then put on these sunglasses and a bright light flashed and I forgot everything we talked about….it was quite strange.
Doug:: cia??? caution…… the CIA agent kill many brazilians
HolyWarrior:: Not this man — he said I would be very rich after the war if I helped them. He promised me a billion dollars worth of something called “Monopoly money” if I will help him. I am not sure if I should or not…what do you think?
Doug:: DONT BELIEV ON CIA! is serious!!!!! the CIA will forget you before the war!! this CIA is liar!!
HolyWarrior:: Well he did threaten me — he said he would take me to Detroit where Lions and Bears would be fighting over a pig skin — I think he might toss me in there with them if I don’t help!
Doug:: dont believe on cia! please dont believe
HolyWarrior:: I mentioned our conversation on ICQ before to him and he said, “fat, drunk, & Brazilian is no way to go through life son.” He also said your country is overrun with Hitler clones — he called them “boys from Brazil” Is this true? What do you think I should do? The CIA man will be back tomorrow — should I turn him in to Saddam’s men?
Doug:: is liar!!! the boys from brazil is a american farse…… CIA kill our president in 1985 because he was comunist. we is not fat!! our life is the better of all america.
HolyWarrior:: Well it’s not like they killed the President of an important country like Russia or Taiwan or something — it is only Brazil. But yes — America is an evil place full of Zionist loving pigs and monkeys who spend their days playing tricks on the innocents of the world! What should I do when he comes back? He may beat me if I refuse to help him but Saddam’s men will beat me I tell them I met with them. What do I do?
Doug:: be with your people. die for your country! american is the evil!dont believe them!!
HolyWarrior:: So I should fight and die against the Americans? But they are going to bring us Democracy and Saddam personally beat my cousin Muhammad with a tank tread for disagreeing with him when he said we defeated the Americans in the mother of all battles. I was there — I am pretty sure we didn’t win — we even practiced surrendering — I we put a red white and blue hat on a cactus and each man went up to it his hands in the air and said,”We surrender to you great imperialist! We love big Macs and Bill Gates! Allah bless Mickey Mouse!” It was a terrible day — but at least we got to eat something other than boiled shoe leather that day…
Doug:: dont believe on american democracy! is a farse!! your people will be a american slave, like on porto rico and mexico!
HolyWarrior:: Those people are slaves of the decadent American empire? I did not know that! Is Brazil a slave country too? That would explain much about your country — for example the CIA man said your country is overrun by yetis and vampires and that some Brazilian children share the same pair of pants — one wears the pants in the day when he is working in the acid mines and the other at night when he is used as bait in a yeti trap. Those things are so bizarre! But we get little current news in our country — like, we have not been told why President Nixon wants to attack us.
Doug:: is liar… this made me small: (Editor’s note: I think he meant smile, not small)….we dont are americans slave.. we are free. only some country is… butt we dont accept americans hand
HolyWarrior:: Ah — but soon we will be slaves of the Americans — I do not think we can win. We got beat in the Gulf War like a Saudi woman who scandalously uncovers her ankles at the mall and I think they will do it again this time. You know what they are telling us? When the Americans get here, they want us to run up to their tanks and throw rocks at them. I asked if these rocks were some sort of code word for a tank penetrating missile and they’re like “No, they’re rocks. Don’t worry — Allah loves martyrs” Hey, then why doesn’t Saddam martyr himself instead of eating caviar and watching decadent American Powerpuff girls cartoons back at his palace?
HolyWarrior:: Are you still there my friend or have you been jammed by a devious American CIA agents! Do you wear a tin-foil hat to prevent them from getting you with their brain wave altering machines? Some people here do, especially Yassir Chomsky, professor of Palestinian linguistics…
Doug:: not! i am your friend… i dont have interests…
HolyWarrior:: That does make sense after what I just said! Is this still Douglas or have you been replaced by an American CIA agent on the other end? If this is CIA agent I love SUVS and handguns — Allah bless Mt. Ruskiemore and I think the Statue of Liberty would be very attractive if she were real! Do not kill me!
Doug:: sorry!! this icq is compartilhed! i’m doug’s brother!
HolyWarrior:: Doug’s brother? You are CIA! Please the Yankees are my favorite soccer team — George Jefferson was a great prime minister! Do not kill me! I am too young to die!
Doug:: hey! im not cia agent! be cool!
HolyWarrior:: You are not CIA agent? Then you work for Saddam! Gah! Oh I love Saddam — he is the modern day Saladin — he is anal cyst on the butt of the infidel, the dreaded cactus of doom, and the bomb in the baby carriage of the West! Saddam is a good man!
Doug:: hey men!! forget!! i’m common! i leave on brazil!
HolyWarrior:: You “leave on brazil” to come and kill me? Oh I do not deserve to die — there are 3 of the female human shields I have not slept with yet and one of them even shaves her underarms — it’s so unfair!
Doug:: relax! my brother tell me about you.. relax!
HolyWarrior:: So you are really just illiterate Brazillian peasant too, not CIA or Saddam’s man? That is good! Do you have a radio station too? Your brother tells me has a radio station and has many goats, unicorns, chickens, and camels! Is your brother telling me the truth?
Doug:: Yes he have a radio station. is a catholic radio
HolyWarrior:: So he owns the whole station? Is it on the web somewhere? And do not send me to a porno website! I know you brazilians are tricky! An old Iraqi proverb says, “A man who turns his back on a pack of Brazillians will wake up in the rain forest without his sandals and underwear!”
HolyWarrior:: Where is his radio station on the web? Is it imaginary? Your brother did seem a little crazy if you know what I mean — by the way — he told me he spits in your toothpaste when you are not looking.
Doug:: theyr radio is not on web. is on my town
HolyWarrior:: Ok — enough playing around with you crumb bums — my real is Lance Uppercut and I work with a government agency I’m not going to mention. My web page is: https://rightwingnews.com: — a website designed to trap subversive Brazilians who make might trouble for us when we invade your country. My last conversation with Douglas is on the website here.
Can I get your name, address, phone number, whether you have any firearms in the house & anyone you’ve ever mentioned our conversation too? I can’t say why I need the information…
(Shortly after I ended the prank and told him what I was doing and said he would pass it on to his brother)
If you want to see the first ICQ prank with Doug, click: here.
Source URL: https://rightwingnews.com/humor/dont-believe-on-american-democracy-is-a-farse-your-people-will-be-a-american-slave-like-on-porto-rico-and-mexico-2/
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