by John Hawkins | January 1, 2012 11:42 pm
Yes, I met Kerrigan (**name changed to protect the innocent**) on Sunday. She’s the girlfriend of a real life friend of mine. Her and her boyfriend are big deal in a mud called “Realm of Destiny” (**name also changed**). For those that don’t know, a mud is a text based role playing game. Think of a text based Dungeons and Dragons or Diablo. They had asked me to promote the mud a bit on the page so they could add in some new players. I agreed to talk about the mud on the page and started discussing some of the details with sweet, unsuspecting, Kerrigan today…little did she know…muhuhahahahahahaha….
John Hawkins:: I will try to promote y’alls mud tonight on the page…
Kerrigan:: Okey dokey, what are you going to say?
John Hawkins:: I’ll tell people it’s a cybersex chat if u get to 10th level..everyone will sign up.
Kerrigan:Hhhehehethat will go over really well!
John Hawkins:: Well see, it’ll get people to try it out and then they’ll like it and won’t care when they get to 10th level and nothing happens
John Hawkins:: I knew u’d like that idea =) it will really pull some traffic for u guys
Kerrigan:: Definitely, also we could do the false advertising thing, you know say that we do a realm wide orgy…….
John Hawkins:: Nah it’s not really fake advertising..I’d just say it was a mistake if anyone asked..most people would be too embarassed after they got shot down with 4 or 5 of the women on your servers.
Kerrigan:: Very true. but we ban people for sexual harassment here..
John Hawkins:: Hmmm…well if u loosened your policy a bit u could get a lot of new people and once they figured things out they’d b ok
Kerrigan:: Hehe how big of an advertisement are you putting? We don’t want a HUGE 100 person increase, just one or two good rpers.
John Hawkins:: I pulled like 900 yesterday,..maybe 700 today..+ my buddy Wallace (**he doesn’t exist by the way**) said he’d put it up too..he runs a porn site and pulls 10k people a day
Kerrigan:: Oh god no
John Hawkins:: Look everybody wins…u get new players..I help out some friends..what if you like did like some rooms (**places the characters go into in the game**) for them u know..like automated bordellos and stuff…u said you were into designing rooms right?
Kerrigan:: HEHE you want me to design bordellos? Well we do have some Mobiles that when you give them a few coins they screw you…we even have a pimp.
John Hawkins:: U do? See they’ll fit in perfect….I see maybe 300 new players..it might be kind of hard on some of the girls at first but you could probably retain a lot of the newbies if you asked the girls to be a little friendlier if u know what I mean…
Kerrigan:: Sure! and then I am sure we could hold parties, like at a certain time where the whole realm gets involved and you know, has strip shows and such. YEAH! I can see it now….(detect the sarcasm hehe)
John Hawkins:: Well u are kind of young but ya gotta realize when u get a good promotional opportunity u jump on it…maybe if u offered a contest or something…a voice thing with some pics and maybe 2 or 3 of your girls offering themselves up would do it. Oh and do u have an online pic we could up beside of the release? And what is your characters name so they’ll have someone to ask for when they get there?
Kerrigan:: Hehe NO PIC
John Hawkins:: Well look..I’ll put u up as the reference person…when they get their I’ll tell them to message u..u are mature enough to handle anyone that gets really raunchy..I mean some will be kind of raunchy but if anyone starts talking sheep and pampers or something u’ll be able to deal with it.
Kerrigan:: Yeah, I think it is a really good idea, just let them know that I am open for anything but no pic
John Hawkins:: Okies…cool =) I am working on promo now..what name do they ask for?
Kerrigan:: lol…NO hehe…no name…I am just kidding
John Hawkins:????? Kidding? Well these people will need some kind of contact..I mean u are going to draw some real sickos here and u really need to sort them out from your geneal populace..I mean you don’t want people being like “Hello, want to quest and go kill some goblins” and them saying “You got something I wanna be goblin baby”.
Kerrigan:: I am honestly not sure a promo is a good idea, because we do not want to seriously increase traffic… at the same time we don’t want to draw any sickos.
John Hawkins:: Sickos are the best roll players..they are used to using their imagination..
John Hawkins:: I think u just need to be willing to work with them a bit…for every 5 “wanna touch my codpiece types of guys” you’ll get a good role player out of it.
Kerrigan:: Hehe seriously, don’t say we are a sex place please
John Hawkins:: ok…what if I just said 1 lucky winner got some,,would u be willing to pony up? That will draw a lot
Kerrigan:: ROFL…pony up, does that involve bending over?? NO…hehe
John Hawkins:: If I specifically said something about bending over..that would be worth another 50 people..serious..that’s how the net works
Kerrigan:: Hehe hehehehehe
John Hawkins:: Work with me here…maybe I could like get a pic of a naked woman and put a pic of a dragon directly behind her as like a promo image..
Kerrigan:: Lol no I refuse to work with you getting sickos for the game hehe
John Hawkins:: Everyone says they want some promotion but when they get a chance..what do they say? Noooooooooo…last chance…what about a gnome with and hill giant standing together saying “Realm of Destiny…a realm of wicked fun!” Maybe one of them holding an inflatable sheep or something…
Kerrigan:: ROFL…too funny maybe a goblin molesting a goat? hehe
John Hawkins:: Okies..that’s what it will be..”.Realm of Destiny…Girls? Goats? We got it all” There ya go =)
Kerrigan:: Lol no no no
John Hawkins:: Hehe..U have now been officially internet pranked by the best =)
Kerrigan:: Oh like i did not know it all along :0)…. lol you better not post that….I would die
John Hawkins:: That’s going up baby doll…the names may be changed to protect the innocent but it’s going up =)
Source URL: https://rightwingnews.com/humor/glad-to-help/
Copyright ©2020 John Hawkins' Right Wing News unless otherwise noted.