by John Hawkins | January 1, 2012 11:45 pm
Dath DB:: Heya Dave
Sudden Death:: Hi Dath
Sudden Death:: What’s up?
Dath DB:: Nadda. Hey do you have John Hawkinss ICQ?
Sudden Death:: Yeah it’s… ********** sorry that took so long, my ICQ died.
Dath DB:: You have my most sincere condolences
Sudden Death:: What?
Dath DB:: That was a bad pun, you see your icq died…
Sudden Death:: Yeah that was bad
Dath DB:: Bite me
Sudden Death:: Nah… you wouldn’t taste good
Dath DB:: I disagree, I am very tasty.
Sudden Death:: LOL.. and how would you know that?
Dath DB:: Self exploration
Sudden Death:: You eat yourself?
Dath DB:: Jealous?
Sudden Death:: Why should i be?? I wouldnt eat myself..I’d die from bleeding.
Dath DB:: Better then to die of starvaton
Sudden Death:: LMAO!! The hell?
Dath DB:: One time, I got lost in the woods 11 days. I was starving by the fith day, and my toes were numb anyways, so I ate a little bit.
Sudden Death:: Umm what?
Dath DB:: Seriously, when I was 12, I got lost in the woods and ended up losing 4 of my toes, I really only ate one of them. Didn’t taste to great. Plus I found some berries, so I stopped.
Sudden Death:: Ouch
Dath DB:: Yeah, actually it’s not as bad or as creepy as you thought.
Sudden Death:: Its weird to me….. lol
Dath DB:: Seriously, I actually was sort of a cannibal for a couple of years. It’s like eating really stringy beef jerky.
Sudden Death:: Aa couple of YEARS?
Dath DB:: Well, I wasn’t eating my flesh, I found a way to get spare parts sent from research laboratories, mainly eyes and the like.
Sudden Death:: *Raises an eyebrow*
Dath DB:: My parents had to send me to therepy for 6 months.
Sudden Death:: Now I cant tell if you are speaking the truth, or just trying to scare me. lol
Dath DB:: I hate to admit it, but I actually think that was part of the reason my parents divorced. My mom blamed my dad because he was supposed to be watching me when I was lost in the woods.
Dath DB:: Hey, you can’t hold something I did 5 years ago against me
Sudden Death:: I’m not holding it against you.. just didnt think you were speakin the truth.. guess I was wrong…
Dath DB:: I didn’t really mention it earlier because I thought it would freak you out, and I kinda slipped it out tonight.
Sudden Death:: Ahhhh.. well, it didnt scare me. dun worry.
Dath DB:: See I told another friend of mine one time, and one day while playing basketball, his hand accidently hit me in the teeth and he thought I bit him, he came after me with one of those big plastic whiffle bats.
Sudden Death:: That guy is just psycho.
Dath DB:: Well in one of these Self help meetings I went to, I found out that actually 1 in 6 people have tried it. It’s more common then people like to think, and unless you kill people then eat them like Jeffrey Dahmer, you don’t hear about it.
Sudden Death:: True
Dath DB:: Personally, I think it’s something everyone should at least experiment with.
Sudden Death:: There are many things people should experement with, but not everyone does… lol… I think every person should have at least gone down on someone of the same sex, but like that is gonna happen. LOL… and that would be scary actually.
Dath DB:: I’m serious about eating human flesh, it’s been common practice through out history.
Sudden Death:: Well.. I’m serious about the thing I said. LOL…actually.. I wouldnt try the human flesh thing… just cuz it doesnt suit me.
Dath DB:: I think you should try it some time
Sudden Death:: Nah. I dont think I will.. sorry.
Dath DB:: Tell ya what, I’ll go down on someone if you just try a small bite of a human eye. It’s just like eating a hard boiled egg, just not as dry and it’s better for you.
Sudden Death:: I wouldn’t try an eye of any animal.
Dath DB:: It’s really not that bad, just don’t think about what you are eating.
Sudden Death:: That wouuld be hard to do seeing it staring back at me.
Dath DB:: You can try closing your eyes, and when it’s in your mouth, just think about eating a ripe grape.
Sudden Death:: I’ll think about it… but, where the hell would i get a human eye???
Dath DB:: I could actually hook you up. Now you must swear to god not to tell anyone, but I actually have a dead body in a deep freeze in our basement. It was self defense.
Dath DB:: This homeless guy tried to mug me when I was in St.Paul, he was pretty drunk and I kinda knocked him out. When he fell though, he hit his temple on the curb and bled to death. I couldn’t leave him, my prints were on him.
Sudden Death:: The hell???
Dath DB:I knew that if I explained what happened, I’d be martyred by several homeless people watch dog groups.(I forgot to mention I had been drinking too)
Dath DB:: So I put him in my trunk and took him home. I am still trying to figure out a way to stash the body.
Dath DB:: This was over M.E.A. break ( a four day weekend for all students in MN)
Sudden Death:: Well umm. I cant help you there bro.
Dath DB:: Do you want an eye? I could pack it in ice. If an eye is too much, I could send you some of his liver (I have a damn good stew recipee)
Sudden Death:: Umm yeah.. if im gonna try it,I’ll just wait til I come down to visit again…
Dath DB:: I’ll get you drunk first if it helps.
Sudden Death:: Lol… well, we shall see when it comes up…
Dath DB:: Back to the bodies… any ideas?
Sudden Death:: Bodies??? I thought you said it was just 1…
Dath DB:: Sh*t……Alright… once again this doesn’t leave this chat session, and you clear your history afterwards. You thought me killing a homeless person on accident was bad listen to this.
Sudden Death:: Wha?
Dath DB:: It happened 4 days ago. Remember me complaining about how our dryer was broken? Well anyways, the maytag guy came over. My mom was at work and asked me to show him around.
Sudden Death:: k
Dath DB:: Here is my guess as to what happened. Our Deep freeze buzzes alot, and it’s a General Electric model. I think he was looking around to fix it (he seemed like a nice guy) well I was upstairs, and I heard someone yell Holy Sh*t!!!! I raced downstairs and saw him looking in the deep freeze.
Sudden Death:: Umm
Dath DB:: What could I do. I panicked. I just freaked out and started wailing on him (he was an older gentlemen) then everything went red. When I came to, I was covered with blood. His wrench was in my hand. So I cleaned up the mess, and made room in the deep freeze. I have no clue what I should do.
Sudden Death:: LOL.. you asked for archie’s ICQ #..I gave it to you, and it was his brilliant idea to try to get me again… 🙂
Dath DB:: [email protected], I was going to suggest burying the bodies in a quarry to let you in on it, but you got me.
Sudden Death:LOL… you actually thought you had me fooled?? im much more careful with sh*t like that from people after archie pulled that on me..
Dath DB:: It was actually my idea, and it started on accident, I was just kidding around until I realized you believed me.
Dath DB:: Sure dave 😛 Can I let him have this? I feel bad for poor John Hawkins, I mean he could be pulling millions of unique hits if he would publish some of my articles. But he refuses.
Sudden Death:: LOL… the part about the forest thing I believe… my guess that was a lie….then afterwards, I knew it was fake cuz it just got ridiculus.
Dath DB:: Yeah it was
Sudden Death:: Twas a lie too? Lol I could of sworn you had all your toes. lol
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