by John Hawkins | January 16, 2009 1:21 am
Just consider this to be constructive criticism aimed at idiots who are too dumb to ever take it.
The Anti-Prop 8 mob in California: How bizarre is it to see gangs of angry, atheistic, liberal homosexuals in California — who seem to spend 98% of their free time lecturing everybody else in America about tolerance — invading churches and getting ordinary people fired for daring to disagree with them? If Christians had been getting the Prop 8 punks fired, we’d have to endure 20 years of Oscar winning movies about the oppression gays in California suffered for their beliefs.
PS: Stop acting like perverts in those public parades, you weirdos.
Celebrities who want to be political: If people really cared about the political opinions of celebrities, next week’s Meet the Press would feature Sean Penn, Kanye West, and Ben Affleck.
The “Mac Guy:” Hey, look at me, I’m so trendy and hip! Not like the guy we have representing PCs, who looks like Mitch McConnell. Enjoy my faux cool vibe — it’ll make you feel like you have a happening friend and then you’ll buy a Mac!
Reality TV: It seemed harmless enough when the Real World debuted, but once the TV execs figured out it was easier and cheaper to put semi-famous morons on the tube instead of actually doing something creative, these shows were suddenly everywhere. Over time, the producers had to dig deeper and deeper for “talent” — and I use that word very loosely. Now, “reality TV” means shows like Real Chance Of Love and Charm School that feature “real people” who would annoy the living hell out of you if you had to be around them for five minutes. Isn’t that why the public is watching TV in the first place — so they can get away from people like that?
Spammers, telemarketers, and junk mailers: They make a living stealing other people’s time and they usually peddle garbage. Everybody who works as a spammer, junk mailer, or telemarketer should have their names put on the lists of all the other spammers, junk mailers, and telemarketers in the country so they can get a taste of what they do to everyone else.
Unions: There’s something to be said for workers banding together to improve their lot in life, but there’s nothing to be said for riding entire companies into the ground because of your out-of-control greed.
The Senate GOP: At least eighty percent of them don’t believe in anything other than getting re-elected and they seem to have a distinct distaste for most of the people who sent them to Washington. How we ended up with such a sorry collection of puffed up, vertebrae-free jackanapes representing the Right, I’ll never know.
The people in charge of making war movies in Hollywood: During World War II, Hollywood cranked out pro-war films left and right. But, the only notable pro-war movie that came out in the last eight years was Team America: World Police — which featured puppets!
Wait, wait — to be fair, Hollywood did also make Valkyrie, a movie about the heroism of German soldiers trying to stop Hitler. If only there were any heroic soldiers like that around today, ones that the American people could better relate to, for Hollywood to make movies about.
Barack Obama: Don’t get me started. There just isn’t enough time in the day.
The King: Burger King’s mascot is creepy and it’s slightly disturbing that he’s associated with food products. That’s exactly whom you want preparing your food, isn’t it? An eerie guy in a mask who never speaks?
The airlines: Security is a hassle, customer service is mediocre, they’re too careless with luggage, it takes too long to get through an airport, and flying is too expensive. No wonder people are less excited about getting on an airplane than getting a root canal.
Lawyers: America’s legal profession is over run with amoral, ambulance-chasing shysters who have nothing better to do than to try to make millions of dollars looting productive people and companies.
“Oh, but John, you wouldn’t say something like that if you needed a lawyer right now!”
Should they be thanked for setting up that kind of system? It’s like a dog being forced to hire a tick to defend itself from the other ticks on its back trying to suck its blood.
Global Warming Nuts: Just because you shout “science” a dozen times and have managed to politically intimidate a large percentage of the scientific world that disagrees with you into silence, doesn’t mean you have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.
America’s newspapers: Never has there been a group of people more dishonest about their biases, more contemptuous of their audience, and more falsely convinced of their own irreplaceability than America’s newspapermen. Meanwhile, the whole industry is dying a slow death and their primary reaction has been to wonder why no one seems very upset about their demise.
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