by John Hawkins | December 2, 2002 1:52 am
Federal Government Assures Remaining Population Will Be Obese By End Of Decade: Here’s a totally unrelated story about why I hate Ronald Mcdonald. When I was seven years old, I broke my leg playing football. I was laid up in traction for six weeks. As you can imagine, I was totally and utterly miserable. So one day, I’m laying there in the hospital, hating life and stupid kid next to me who kept me up all night because he was playing with some noisy toy until like 3 in the morning and my mother shows up. She says, “John, you have a special visitor outside who’s visiting sick kids. You’re going to love it!” Well I get all jacked up trying to figure out who this is. Could it be my favorite football player, Franco Harris? Woah — maybe it was Willie Mays or Muhammad Ali! Holy moly — I was so jazzed! Then, who should walk in but Ronald McDonald. I was so bitterly disappointed that I was ready to cry and I actually snapped at Ronald for making me a balloon animal. Since then, I’ve hated that vile clown with a passion and I still do. Now on to the humor article….
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