by John Hawkins | January 28, 2003 12:54 pm
Frank Advice for Universities By Frank J.: Duke Univeristy has invited invited Laura Whitehorn to speak on campus, originally billing her as a “political prisoner” even though she was in prison for the “political statement “of bombing the U.S. Capitol. And then the people who invited her acted so surprised at the controversy, because college professors are the dumbest people on God’s green earth. Even a four-year-old would understand that a terrorist should be hung instead of being asked to talk, but that’s beyond college professors. This is just yet another example of the total idiocy that comes from our universities. I wouldn’t be surprised if I found a college professor who had come up with some high-falutin reason why trees don’t actually exist and thus keeps walking into them.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so much a problem if colleges were just a place to isolate this stupidity – somewhere they can protect their precious idiocy that would be torn to shreds by the world outside – but the problem is they like to spread their dumb ideas to the students. College kids usually have a low protein diet of nothing but Ramen noodles and thus are highly susceptible to brain washing. I myself did all right because I had an engineering major which didn’t leave me time for being stupid, but all the philosophy and arts majors are not so lucky. Sure, most will grow out of the stupid ideas when they start having to pay taxes, but, for some, the idiocy they learn in college destroys them forever.
We’ve let this go on to long. There is no reason that people who teach history and English have to lack the common sense of the average muskrat. First thing we need to do is to storm the colleges and remove the liberal professors. They can probably be trained to do simple tasks such as sweep floors and test the effectiveness of pepper sprays. Also, they can be fitted with shock collars to “teach” them if they ever try to talk about politics. Some may say that is cruel, to which I say, “Yeah, that’s the point.”
Next, we can find good professors to take their places. People who love America, hate terrorists, want all Commies to be dead, and like to use guns to shoot bad people. New student standards can be set that will expel a student for being “too much of a hippy.” Also, there can be a new mandatory class that all students must take that teaches them why America kicks ass. It can be taught by an angry Marine who will savagely beat anyone who says something bad about the ‘ole U.S. of A. This will be an especially good class for foreign students.
Let’s get to it. Our country’s educational future depends on it.
If you liked this satire by Frank J. you can read more of his material at IMAO.
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