by John Hawkins | January 6, 2003 12:14 am
Spot On Description Of The Democrats: Wow, I have to give it to IMAO for about the best description I’ve ever seen of how most Democrats on Capitol Hill argue..
“But, if Democrats always use the same response to certain stimuli (like mention of tax cuts or social security reform), that sounds like the perfect thing to automate. I think I could build a robotic Democrat (must… resist… obvious Gore joke…) that could perform the same function as any Democratic politician on a talk show. All I would have to do is take a manequin that could be made to sit up in a chair and then insert a microphone, speaker, and a simple computer system running voice recognition software. It will scan the speech of the Republican he’s it’s supposed to be debating, and then start repeating in a loop its standard response.
Stimulus: “tax cut”
Response: “It’s just a tax cut for the rich! It’s just a tax cut for the rich! It’s just a tax cut…”
Stimulus: “social security”
Response: “Republicans want to throw old people out on the street! Republicans want to throw old people out on the street! Republicans want to throw…”
Response: “Republicans want to poison our air and water! Republicans want to poison our air and water! Republicans want to poison…”
Stimulus: “affirmative action”
Response: “Republicans are racist! Republicans are racist! Republicans are…”
Response: “Republicans want to starve school children! Republicans want to starve school children! Republicans want to…”
Response: “Redrum! Redrum!”
If no recognized stimuli are found, a number of universal responses can be used such as “Republicans are mean-spirited!” or it can just emit some sort of high-pitched, incomprehensible whine.
Once I’ve produced a prototype, I can then pitch it to news organizations as a replacement for getting an actual Democrat politician on their show. This will remove all the costs associated with having to book Democrats on their programs and allow them to immediately have a Democratic response to any major issue. I think I could make a bundle.”
Toss in a few lines like, “that’s a racist code word,” & “that sounds like a risky scheme” and you’ve got most of the Democratic party up in Washington except for a few Southern Democrats.
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