Tabloid Trash: Michelle Obama’s Secret Hit List

by John Hawkins | June 29, 2009 11:11 am

Michelle Obama Hit List I do enjoy the Tabloid beat and when I saw that the big story at The Globe[1] this week is “Michelle Obama’s Secret Hit List!”, I was so there. Come on, who could resist tag lines like: “Revealed: Who she vows to destroy” and “Her ruthless White House Rampage?”

Of course, before we get started, let me remind you that this is The Globe. They’re somewhere between The National Enquirer[2] and The Weekly World News[3] on the old accuracy meter. On the other hand, Michelle Obama does come across as a really vindictive shrew, so it is easy to imagine her having an enemies list.

Now, I don’t want to keep you in suspense, but I do have to quote my favorite line from the article,

And (Michelle) is desperately trying to cultivate a wholesome image for her husband, who has been accused of using cocaine and having a gay fling[4] with the author of a controversial book.

You should know, folks, that is probably all lies! But, on to the enemies list! Who’s on it?

Hillary Clinton: Slammed Obama on the campaign trail.
Sarah Palin: Political rival in 2012
Oprah Winfrey: Doesn’t like her influence on Barack.
Larry Sinclair: Claims to have had sex and coke with Barack.
Rush Limbaugh: He blasts Barack.
Jon Voight: Attacked Barack.
Stephen Baldwin: Attacked Barack.
Oscar de la Renta: Blasted Michelle’s fashion sense.
Simon Cowell: Skipped a presidential dinner party

Although there’s a 98% chance this list is bunk, you have to give the Globe credit for coming up with a great list. Not only do you have political enemies, but you have lots of people targeted for destruction over petty slights. A great enemies list doesn’t just feature the people who deserve it, it features the people who merely said the wrong thing at the wrong time, and yet are still marked for destruction.

PS: Note to self. Make enemies list. Leak it to public.

  1. The Globe:
  2. The National Enquirer:
  3. The Weekly World News:
  4. using cocaine and having a gay fling:

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