by John Hawkins | July 1, 2003 3:11 pm
Tax Reform Bill Would Make Payments Voluntary By Scott Ott: Taking a page from the campaign fundraising playbook, a new bill in the House would eliminate the mandatory income tax and require elected representatives to persuade citizens to send in voluntary tax payments.
“We choose our President, Senators and Representatives in a way that emphasizes fundraising abilities,” said an unnamed legislative aide who helped draft the bill. “Since the Capitol and the White House contain more than 500 of the best money-raisers in America, this legislation would tap that talent and put them all to work traveling the country, exhorting people to send money to Washington to fund government activities.”
The text of the bill notes that the Federal government has become a social service organization which demands support under penalty of law.
“That’s just not American. We’re capitalists,” said the aide. “If you have a great idea, you need to sell it to people, and they can choose to buy it, or not. If you believe in welfare, government-controlled schools, government-funded art, cabbage research or National Public Radio, then hit trail and get others to believe in it too. Let the people show their support with their contributions.”
Under the ‘merit-based promotion’ provision of the bill, only the most effective fundraisers in Congress would earn leadership positions. A flat five percent commission would compensate elected officials for their work.
If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.
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