The Daily Kos Take On The Chocolate Jesus

by John Hawkins | April 2, 2007 3:53 am

The same liberals who are absolutely terrified of offending Muslims by simply showing an inoffensive picture of Muhammad take every opportunity to promote the most perverse, obnoxious, anti-Christian art and sentiments. Then, oddly enough, they usually turn right around and try to convince Christians to vote for them. It’s a never ending cycle of raw hatred and pandering.

On the “raw hatred” side of the cycle, here’s talk radio host / Daily Kos Diarist Cenk Uygur at the world’s most popular liberal blog[1] alternately pretending to be so incredibly stupid that he doesn’t understand why a completely naked, chocolate Jesus being displayed in a hotel lobby in the run-up to Easter would offend Christians and sneering at people who take their faith seriously

As you read these excerpts from Uygur’s post, remember that these sentiments come from a diarist, not commenter, at a mainstream liberal blog that is considered to be extremely influential with Democrats in Congress.

Islamic Countries Can Suck Jesus’s Chocolate Covered C***

…Meanwhile, over here in this part of never, never land, the Catholic crazies are all freaked out over a chocolate Jesus. So what????????

I just don’t get it. I’m being literal. I don’t understand what’s offensive about a chocolate Jesus. Maybe I didn’t read the part of the Bible that talks about not making graven images of the Lord in chocolate (and it’s possible, since the Bible has so many other things that are institutionally nuts I wouldn’t rule it out). Why does anyone care that it’s in chocolate?

…The other part of this so-called chocolate Jesus controversy is his cock. Apparently he has one. Someone hide the children. It turns out humans have dicks. No, you don’t say.

My guess is that if Jesus actually existed he would get a good belly laugh out of people being offended that he had a penis. Yeah, don’t worry about feeding the poor or anything. Just obsess over Jesus’s chocolate covered penis. I’m sure that’s what the good Lord would have wanted.

So, is the argument that Jesus didn’t have a d*ck?

Or were people offended because it was too big? Too Small? Too immaculate? Not immaculate enough?

Note to crazy Christians: Male humans have penises! I know that comes as a giant shock and disappointment to you, but I swear you have to get used to it. And yes, even your Lord and Savior had one, even if he never used it.

By the way, if Jesus never had an orgasm the whole time he was alive (no premarital sex, no masturbation), he must have walked around with the biggest hard on in creation. How do you depict blue balls in chocolate?

Since Jesus is also a prophet in Islam, I guess I killed two holy birds with one heretical stone here. I have offended thee. Whoop dee doo. Here’s the part you don’t understand — I don’t believe in your voodoo. So, I don’t care that I am offending your mythical, non-existent Gods covered in chocolate with balls that ache like there’s no tomorrow.

It’s like getting mad at me for offending Zeus and Artemis. I don’t care. They don’t exist. Considering their feelings is beyond preposterous. I will not live in your fantasy world.

..Even though I think your ideas have led to the senseless deaths of millions upon millions, I still wouldn’t prohibit them. I don’t need to. They’re asinine and will ultimately be defeated. I believe in the power of reason in the long run. Ironically, the devout don’t have faith in their faith. That’s why they have to quash dissent. That’s what they’ve been doing for centuries now. Both Muslims and Christians have been killing people that challenged their orthodoxy for the last two thousand years.”

If you’re a “liberal Christian” who reads blogs like the Daily Kos every day and votes for Democrats, don’t ever forget that you’re supporting people who, for the most part, think that your faith is a joke. If you think otherwise, you are kidding yourself.

  1. Daily Kos Diarist Cenk Uygur at the world’s most popular liberal blog:

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