by William Teach | December 21, 2008 9:55 am
Preferably in a horrible way. Snuffed. Capped. Sacrificed for the greater good. These are from movies (or parts of movies) I have actually seen
1. Jar Jar Binks. I don’t really need to explain, do I? Actually, it was George Lucas who needed to be sacrificed, but, he wasn’t an actual character in the movie. Anyhow, Jar Jar should have sacrificed himself while protecting Padme just after they came through the watery core of Naboo.
2. Anakin Skywalker in The Clone Wars. Yeah, he was pretty annoying in The Phantom Menace, but, what kids aren’t? In TCW, though, here’s a guy who is one of the most powerful Jedi around, and his powers are still growing, and he spends his time whining about all sorts of crap. He meets up with the older woman, who happens to be rich and powerful, he has been pining for for 10 years, and, what does he do? Complain in a whiny voice. I was surprised she didn’t tell him to man up. Unfortunately, sacrificing him in Episode 2 would kinda defeated everything else. Fortunately, he decides to just kill everyone in Episode 3.
3. Elizabeth in Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End. A case can be be that she needed to meet a horrible end, possibly to a ravenous bugblatter beast of Trall, or maybe being press ganged as a pleasure girl for Davey Jones’ crew, in POTC2 when she started to realize that she wanted Jack Sparrow, but, seriously, the final straw was when she asked James Norrington about realizing what side he chose. Oh, you mean the side that was trying to eradicate people who are in to theft, rape, and murder, among other crimes? That side, Elizabeth? One commenter at deviantART wrote: Elizabeth from PotC needs to be shot, run over, exhumed, resurrected, and shot again. Yup, pretty much.
4. Hartigan in Sin City. Usually Bruce Willis is da man in movies, but, damn, what was up with the script for his character? Let’s see: he saves little Nancy, shoots the rapist psycho’s package off, gets shot a bunch of times, goes through a crapload of time in a weird jail cell, gets beat to snot multiple times, goes on a killing spree, keeps himself from dying by being hung, saves the girl, rips the guys package off with his bare hands (yeah, that was kinda nauseating), beats his head to a pulp, then, rather then going off with the hot stripper babe (who won’t take anything off) who loves him, wrote letters to him in prison, and was pining for him for a decade, he blows the back of his head off. Couldn’t Hartigan just have died early and let Nancy get on with her life?
5. Johnny Depp as Willy Wonky. Way to take what had been a pretty cool character as played by Gene Wilder and turn him in to some metrosexual weirdo freakazoid. I couldn’t even watch most of this travesty. The Oompa Loompa’s should have rebelled and strung him up then turned him in to some sort of fruity confection.
6. Louis de Pointe du Lac (Brad Pitt) “Interview With The Vampire.” It would have been a whole lot more fun if that annoying character had just been iced by the vampire Lestat, kinda like “Dude! I’m swapping blood with another dude! Out comes his heart!” Perhaps Lestat needed to go, to. Aren’t vampires supposed to be cool and pine after some hot babe?
Special mention goes to virtually the entire cast of Independence Day, Dakota Fanning for her constant whining and screaming in War Of The Worlds, and Mike Myers as Austin Powers in Goldmember. Any character portrayed by Pauly Shore and Adam Sandler. Any character portrayed by George Clooney, Owen Wilson, and Brad Pitt.
Who are your most annoying movie characters that needed to be sacrificed early?
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