Advertisement: Cooper For President!

by John Hawkins | April 26, 2004 12:01 am

(Soothing Spring melody playing in the background) Serious voice: “Are you sick and tired of the Marxist-Islamist Alliance? Have you seen enough of Ketchup Boy to make you want to put WASABI on your cheeseburger from now on? Would you like a politician that DOESN’T have his hand out?”

— LOUD RECORD SCRATCHING — (Smackdown Announcer Voice): “Then Cooper ain’t your man! Cooper for President[1] – The site that skewers politics and society WITH AN ATTITUDE. This ain’t your great grandfather’s website!”

(Sound of a radio being smashed to bits)

Um… Hi…. Sorry about that… I’m Michael Cooper, and that’s the LAST time I hire a Madison Avenue company to write an ad for my site. I should have known better. After all, I make fun of these types of unfunny, crap-can, cookie cutter commercials all the time. But that’s not all.

Cooper for President[1] is one of the fastest-growing websites on the internet. Come to think of it, since I started I’ve been one of the fastest growing presidential candidates (and I really need to hit the gym). But wedon’t just skewer politics. We make fun of movies, self-important celebrities, and people who generally deserve it (like Parrotheads or people who own Segways).

The humor at Cooper for President[1] crosses the entire spectrum. We have lowbrow, highbrow, and unibrow. John Kerry has promised 10 million new jobs and that he’ll get the U.N. to help us in Iraq? Well I promise 10 “bajillion” new jobs, and that I will get every bloodthirsty Islamist to
convert to Seventh Day Adventist by next March. Piece of cake.

See me grilled by the 9/11 Commission like I was George Foreman’s lunch. Read the Bill Moyers interview with Osama bin Laden. Learn about the origins of the Marxist-Islamist Alliance! Then get out and Rock the Boat. Or is it Rock the “Vote?” Who cares? Either way, its uber-retarded.

Michael Cooper – The OTHER Dennis Kucinich!

  1. Cooper for President:

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