Captain Future’s Plan For A Better Tomorrow

You know those light poles in England that line the streets? The old iron ones that survived the Luftwaffe and would probably survive a loaded cement truck driving into them, yeah those? Word to the wise: Don’t walk at full speed into them head first. Yeah, I did that on the bonny streets of London a couple decades back and as my friend japed, “the light post never recovered.”

Hey, just because I’m an uncoordinated bumbling buffoon….

Well, now there’s news, via Futurepundit (who, I must say I picture as wearing silver-rimmed goggles and a shiny cape on the top of the Chrysler building scanning the horizon for …..dramatic, soaring musack here….The Future–I know, I’m on the internet waaaaaay too much), that dumbasses like me are running into things because they are looking down at their phones texting. Being future oriented, he has a solution:

The texters would be less dangerous to themselves and others if they didn’t have to look down to see the screen. What is needed: Head Up Display Glasses tied to a cell phone. Then one could look ahead and see the text mixed in with sidewalk or whatever else is in front of you.

But how to type when walking? Avoid the need to type with voice recognition software. Except, people can hear you then. How to maintain the privacy that typing provides? The in-brain implant cell phone that “The Phone Company” tried to convince The President’s Analyst (1967 with James Coburn) to tell the US President to allow transplanted into everyone’s brain.

Another alternative: develop a drug that breaks down the text messaging addiction.

Now why would Captain Future ruin all the fun with a drug to break down the addiction? I like the in-brain implant idea way better. Also, I’d have less of a chance rear-ending the idiots who come to a complete freaking stop, for no reason whatsoever, on the interstate while I fiddle with the radio dial while struggling to find a radio station, or even better, some Ryan Seacrest inspired, pop-music treacle, onto my car stereo. I could think the song into being. How cool would that be?

Brain implant, good. Brain on lamp post, bad. Brain on windshield, fatal.

H/T Instapundit

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