Dean to Iowa: ‘Shut Up You Gun-Toting Homophobes’ By Scott Ott

by John Hawkins | January 20, 2004 12:43 am

With the characteristic charm that earned him the love and respect of roughly 18 percent[1] of Iowa Democrats, presidential candidate Howard Dean bid the state farewell as he stepped onto his private jet tonight.

“Shut up, you gun-toting, God-fearing homophobes,” Mr. Dean said to a cheering crowd of Iowa Democrats. “Your caucus is a meaningless exercise dominated by extremist special interests just like I said on Canadian TV[2] years ago.”

Mr. Dean’s aides said their candidate plans to “ride the wave” of his third-place Iowa finish on to “a decent showing” in New Hampshire.

“We’re just so relieved to be out from under the burden of that ‘frontrunner’ label,” said an unnamed Dean aide.

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface[3].

Endnotes:
  1. 18 percent: http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/01/19/elec04.prez.main/index.html
  2. Canadian TV: http://www.sunspot.net/news/elections/bal-dean0109,0,5614212.story?coll=bal-nationworld-headlines
  3. Scrappleface: http://www.scrappleface.com

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