Dems Reject Nominating Openly-Liberal Candidate

by John Hawkins | August 5, 2003 3:59 pm

Democrat National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe said today that America is not ready for his party to nominate its first openly-liberal candidate in the post-Reagan era.

“Officially we have a ‘don’t ask-don’t tell’ policy regarding liberalism,” said Mr. McAuliffe. “No openly-liberal candidate will receive the nomination.”

The DNC manual suggests that secretly-liberal candidates refrain from public displays of affection for big government, higher taxes and weaker national defense. Studies show that while mainstream Americans favor tolerance for liberal ideas — like increasing government control of schools and tax-funded prescription drugs — they would rather call it something else, like “compassionate conservatism.”

Mr. McAuliffe said that none of the top Democrat candidates is openly liberal.

“Everyone knows that Dean[1] is a fiscal conservative,” he said. “Lieberman[2] is a social conservative, and John Kerry is a professional Vietnam veteran married to a wealthy heiress. If any of them are closet liberals, they only act on it in the privacy of their offices.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface[3].

Endnotes:
  1. Dean: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uslatest/story/0,1282,-2965473,00.html
  2. Lieberman: http://msnbc.com/news/948184.asp
  3. Scrappleface: http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/001115.html#001115

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