Early Porn Career Eliminated Gephardt As V.P. Choice By Andy Borowitz

by John Hawkins | July 8, 2004 1:11 am

Made Over 100 Films in Early Seventies, Congressman Admits

Presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry named Senator John Edwards of North Carolina as his vice-presidential running mate after learning that his first choice, Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-Missouri), had appeared in over one hundred hardcore porn films in the early 1970s.

Rep. Gephardt, who made the raunchy movies under the name Dick Gethardt, acknowledged last night that he had performed in the films, but added, “To the best of my recollection, it was more like two hundred.”

Rumors that Rep. Gephardt had a thriving porn career before becoming a Missouri congressman had been swirling around the Kerry campaign for weeks, but Mr. Kerry wanted to view the films for himself before making a final decision on Mr. Gephardt’s fate.

After a marathon viewing session in which Mr. Kerry watched over thirty of Mr. Gephardt’s films, the Massachusetts senator said that there was “no question” that the performer on the screen was the Missouri congressman, telling reporters, “The guy in those films had no visible eyebrows.”

Some within the Kerry campaign argued that Mr. Gephardt’s porn experience should not eliminate him from the vice-presidential sweepstakes, since he had demonstrated the energy and stamina necessary for the long election campaign.

“One thing’s for sure, after seeing these movies no one could ever accuse Dick Gephardt of flip-flopping,” one aide said.

For his part, Mr. Gephardt told reporters that he had no regrets about making the films, adding, “Now that my political career is at an end, I may very well return to porn, which was my first love.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Andy Borowitz, you can read more of his work at The Borowitz Report[1]