by John Hawkins | April 16, 2003 12:26 am
Frank J’s Fun Facts About Syria: We’ve been hearing a lot in the news about Syria lately, so I got my crack research staff to find all the relevant information about them that you need to know.
FUN FACTS ABOUT SYRIA
* Syria is not in South America.
* Syria just barely avoided being put on the Axis of Evil by sending President Bush a fruit basket.
* Their current tourism campaign in Iraq of proclaiming “Syria is a safe harbor for you, your family, and your chemical weapons” has drawn some suspicion.
* Syria was first added to the U.S. list of terrorist nations when it was discovered that the country was in the Middle East.
* Syria is so evil that France just can’t wait to appease them.
* Syria’s main exports are electronics, computer software, automobiles, telecommunications equipment, and consumer goods…. whoops, I mean their exports are oil followed far behind by clay pots.
* The Syrians, unlike the Romulans, cannot turn invisible.
* If you are ever chased by a Syrian, drop to the ground, curl up in a ball, and play dead; Syrians only like to murder alive people.
* The country of Syria is completely landlocked, unable to fly for even the shortest distances.
* Syria raised a lot of suspicion when they purchased equipment for making Twinkies since such equipment could easily be converted for making chemical weapons.
* Syria used to follow the Islamic practice of collapsing walls on homosexuals. When their towns became devastated from lack of walls, they instituted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
* Syria is currently as poor as dirt. Without oil, dirt would actually be giving Syria foreign aid.
* Reuters would like to remind you that while some may consider Syria a “terrorist nation”, other might consider it a “freedom fighter nation”. Reuters would also like to remind you to stop slapping them.
* Once, while everyone was distracted with an anti-Israel rally, a bunch of monkeys staged a bloodless coup. At first, people found it funny seeing the monkeys playing around in the government’s capital – that was until the monkeys started ordering mass executions of dissidents.
* In a fight between Syria and Aquaman, Aquaman would win since Superman couldn’t just sit there and watch Aquaman get his *ss kicked.
* Military estimates say that the conquering of Syria would take months… unless, of course, you don’t care about all that collateral damage crap. Then it would only take a couple hours and a few beers.
If you liked this satire by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO.
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