by John Hawkins | May 30, 2003 3:22 pm
Frank Tips for Meeting With Jacques Chirac By Frank J: President Bush will be meeting with Jacques Chirac today for the first time since the war, so I have some tips for him about the meeting:
* Start by working the body. You’ll want to start slow, which means a series of punches to his gut.
* Use object in the room around you. This doesn’t just mean to pick up those objects and break them over Chirac, put to also use Chriac’s head to break objects that are too big to pick up.
* Make sure to build up some momentum before smashing his head into the wall. You’ll need some good momentum to leave a nice impression in the drywall.
* Avoid the sleeper hold. It’s pointless if he’s unconscious.
* Remember your joints. Joints such as your knee and elbow make great blunt weapons. Don’t forget to use them.
* Use your body weight. Eventually it will become tiresome to keep propping Chirac up. Then you may want to do some elbow drops on him.
* When he is down, Texas Two-Step. Like I have to remind you.
* This isn’t boxing; all blows are legal. Some may say it’s unsporting to go for the groin, but I say it makes a nice finale after you’ve thoroughly beaten him through other means.
In the end, diplomacy is a fluid thing, and you really have to read the other party and adjust your strategy according. Just don’t be afraid to be creative. Godspeed, Mr. President.
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