by John Hawkins | August 30, 2004 12:42 am
Yes, there is nothing like taking the Harry Potter novels, stories about friendship, loyalty, individuality, and risking it all to do the right thing, and making them about sex-education, “love and sexuality”.
So who wants to do that? Why the pro-abortion fanatics at Planned Parenthood!
To their credit, they do at least say that they don’t want to make the next book to become part of the politics of sex education, but can you imagine what a Harry Potter book influenced by Planned Parenthood would look like? I bet it would go just about like this…
Harry Potter: Hermione, what happened to you? Your stomach is growing so big!
Hermione Granger: I slept with Ron last week and his protection spell didn’t work! Now I’m all knocked up!
Ron Weasley: It’s not my fault, really it isn’t! My wand is broken…wait, that didn’t come out right…
Harry Potter: But your stomach Hermione, how can it have grown so fast?
Dumbledore: I’m afraid I can answer that. It’s the work of Voldemort…..
Harry Potter: Oh no! What can poor Hermione do?
Hagrid: Well, young Mr. Potter — that baby is nothing but a parasite it is! There’s nothing wrong with aborting it…
Lucius Malfoy: Abort the baby? What sort of stupid idea is that? That baby deserves to live!
Harry Potter: Malfoy, you won’t take away Hermione’s right to choose! (Harry then blows Malfoy out of the room with a lightning bolt)
Dumbledore: I’m afraid time is growing short and Valdemort’s spell is very powerful. Soon Hermione will have the baby and then it will be too late to kill it…
Harry Potter: Can’t you do anything Dumbledore?
Dumbledore: I would use my “spell of baby sucking,” but I fear it’s too weak to overcome Valdemort’s spell.
Ron Weasley: Wait a second Harry! What about that glowing clothes hanger we found in the cave of forbidden mysteries?
Harry Potter: This one? (Pulls out the glowing clothes hanger).
Dumbledore: Harry, that’s a very powerful artifact! The ‘clothes hanger of womb ripping’. Quick, cast a spell…
Harry Potter: Clothes hanger, clothes hanger, ye powerful artifact of old
The fixer of mistakes for those who don’t use birth control
Clothes hanger, clothes hanger, please be lenient
And kill Hermione’s baby because it would be really inconvenient!
(There’s a bright flash and Hermione’s stomach shrinks back down to normal).
Harry Potter: It worked! It worked!
Dumbledore: Harry Potter, for performing an abortion on your friend, I award Gryffindor house 50 points. And Hermione, for having the courage to have an abortion, you get 200 points!
Ron Weasley: That means Gryffindor house has won again!
Harry Potter: But it couldn’t have happened without the abortion!
All Together: Hooray for abortion!
Hat tip to Inoperable Terran & Twisted Spinster for finding the Planned Parenthood story.
Source URL: https://rightwingnews.com/uncategorized/if-planned-parenthood-wrote-the-next-harry-potter-book/
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