Interviewing Six Conservative Female Bloggers On Dating

by John Hawkins | March 31, 2008 10:00 am

One of the great things about my other blog, Conservative Grapevine[1], is that I get to link a wide variety of articles and see which links draw the most clicks. While doing that, one of the things that I’ve found is that any article about dating tends to do really well.

With that in mind, I thought it might be fun to talk to some conservative women to find out some of their best and worst dating stories, to see if there’s a difference between dating conservative and liberal men, and just to get a little of the dating advice that seems to do so well on CG.

So, I interviewed some of my conservative female friends who blog, especially the ones I knew had some great dating stories, and you’re about to get an opportunity to read what they had to say.

Cassy Fiano

Cassy Fiano My buddy Cassy Fiano blogs at her own blog[2], at Wizbang[3], and guest blogs at RWN. Cassy is a very sweet girl, is very sociable, has dated a lot, and has even written several articles on dating.

Give me some pet peeves, things that guys do to annoy you in the dating arena.

Any kind of cockiness…the guys that come up to you and just think that they’re hot sh*t and that you’re lucky to have them grace you with their presence. That’s annoying….

A guy that talks about himself too much on a date, that’s annoying, too — because they take it too far. You want to talk about yourself, but you want to ask her questions, too. A lot of guys don’t do that.

Grooming in general on dates…it’s really rare to find a guy who can do it right. They usually either take it too far with the metrosexual thing, which is the least attractive fad in the history of men’s fashion, or they don’t dress up at all. It’s like jeans, a t-shirt, and flip-flops.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

I tend not to date liberals, for a reason. Politics is so important to what I do and I follow it so much. I can’t respect a guy who’s liberal all that much because it makes me question his intelligence. So, that’s a big minus because I’m thinking how smart can this guy be if he thinks John Kerry is a great politician? (Laughs) If he thinks Barack Obama would be a great President, I think, gee, how bright could this guy be?

Anything else?

They don’t have the manners that conservatives do. I think that’s because conservative men buy into this feminist orthodoxy less. They don’t have a thing about paying for you on a date, holding a door open, being a gentleman. Conservatives do that more than liberals do. …just the old fashioned gentleman type that women really want, but there aren’t that many of them out there any more.

Have you ever done online dating? If so, what was that like?

I have done online dating quite a bit and I have had absolutely zero problems with it. It worked very well. …The most important thing is to take it slow. I think a lot of people rush into it too much. They get an email from someone and they get so excited about it and they send two emails back and forth and it’s like, let’s go out to dinner. No, no, take your time; send some emails back and forth. Call each other a few times and then go out to eat. Take it slow. I don’t see why it gets such a bad stigma. I don’t see it as any different than meeting someone at a Starbucks in line. How is that any different or worse? I think it gets a bad rap, but it’s a good way to meet people, especially if you live in a small town or if you don’t have access to a lot of people. It’s a good way to branch out.

What do you think the biggest thing women have wrong about men is?

They hate men too much.

Well, that is a mistake. Go into more detail.

…Women just go into it too much hating men, like they’re the enemy. They’re not. They’re thinking, oh this guy is just looking to get laid or…I think that women hating men is much more common than the men hating women.

Karol Sheinin

Karol Sheinen Karol is a PR consultant in New York and she runs Alarming News[4]. She’s also one of the most charming people I’ve ever met and if the word “social butterfly” were in the dictionary, Karol’s picture would probably be beside of it. That’s why I reached out to her for the article.

Give me some pet peeves, things that guys do to annoy you in the dating arena.

Men don’t use the phone any more. They don’t call. They instant message, they e-mail, whatever, but there’s something to be said for meeting a guy and having him call you. They rely on the easy way.

…Guys (ask women out by IM) all the time. It’s a much safer option, but it’s so much less interesting and manly.

Have you dated liberals before. If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.

You convert them, huh?

Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done it. But, I sort of prefer to just date someone who’s conservative right off the bat because the conversion thing, you never really know if they are doing it just to keep you happy or what. …I definitely have strong convictions and politics is important to me. It’s an essential part of my life. …It seems like it’s just political beliefs but those things extend into other facets of your life — how you raise children, and what kind of marriage you’re going to have…

…(What’s) a bad idea for a first date?

I think any first date where you’re not having a conversation, like movies, are a terrible idea for a first date — as is any kind of play or show where you are both focused on something else. The first date should be all about “could I have a 2nd date with the person.” Do we have anything to say to each other? Does he make me laugh? Is she hot? Anything that has interaction would be ideal for a first date.

What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on?

Someone invited me over for a first date for Mother’s Day (laughs) to meet their mother and grandmother. I didn’t go. (laughs)

What do you think the biggest thing women have wrong about men is?

That they’re all jerks and that they all have ulterior motives. I think the thing women forget is that men have the same kind of emotional responses that they do. …A lot of women will sort of play a game to get a guy interested and then when the game stops and he loses interest, then she holds him accountable for that. I think that’s sort of wrong. If you get into a relationship, you’re going to have to drop the games (at some point). If you faked your way into the relationship, you can’t expect the guy to maintain his interest if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. I think the whole “all men are dogs” thing is wrong and if women let go of that, they’ll be happier in their relationships.

Melissa Clouthier

Melissa Clouthier Dr. Melissa Clouthier[5] is a buddy of mine who has done a lot of dating in her life, has done some relationship counseling, and she has written some articles on dating for her blog. Also, as I’ve gotten to know her better, I’ve found that she has a keen sense of what people are like. So, I thought she’d be a particularly good person to talk to for the article.

In your entire life, what was your favorite first meeting with a guy you dated? Sort of a cute that’s how we got to know each other story.

I didn’t know this until later, but two guys in high school, they were really close friends, wanted to ask me out. ….So, they kind of had a competition over whoever could ask me out first and whether they’d get a “yes.”

So, you were like a bet? Like one of those movies?

I was like a bet. I didn’t know it until later. The one guy ended up being my boyfriend in high school. That’s how it started…

Was there like a big scene, like in the movies, where you slapped him and said, “I’m just a bet to you!” Then, he’s like, “No, no, I’ve grown to care about you!”

(Laughs) No, it was about six months into it before I found out…

…What’s a bad idea for a first date?

Like something all day or something that requires a lot of time together, where there’s no escape if it doesn’t go well. I wouldn’t like take someone on a first date to an amusement park because you’d be stuck all day together. And even too expensive of a dinner on a first date? …Because where do you go after that? You take her to the nicest restaurant in town because she’s super hot and you want to impress her? Then it turns out you have no conversation, so you wasted a boatload of money and two, if you do like her, where are you going to take her next time to beat that?

What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on?

Well, I could tell you the weirdest guy.

Yeah, tell me that.

Oh my goodness. I worked with a guy (laughs) when I lived in California who still lived with his mother, was a super nerdy, a class revenge of the nerds guy…like an editorial assistant or something like that.

He asked me out — mind you, I was almost engaged at this point — and he knew that, and he was asking me out anyway. I turned him down once and I tried to be nice and polite. He asked me out again — no thank you, blah, blah. Third time, he comes back with two pages of typed events — and there was everything on this list, I mean everything, like 10 different Broadway shows, 10 different super nice restaurants, the zoo, Disney World, Six Flags, you name it, it was all on there — and he thought that would win me over, I think. That was the most bizarre…he was like just pick one thing you want to do. I think he thought it was a no lose proposition, so when I saw all this awesome stuff, how could I say no? But, I was almost engaged.

So, that’s why you didn’t go. If you wouldn’t have been almost engaged…

Yeah, he’s a guy I probably would have turned down no matter what…

He gets an A for effort. I admire his moxie.

(Laughs) Well, I do, too. But, it started to get weird, so the way I ended it — and I only did this once in my whole life — now, by this time, I was engaged, and I was back at home in Michigan and he was wanting to talk to me, and I don’t know how he got my phone number, but he did. I answered the phone, found out it was him, and I pretended to be my sister (laughs). So, I was like, “I’m sorry, Melissa isn’t available”.

Sharon Soon

I met Sharon Soon from Conservatives With Attitude[6] at CPAC and assumed she was kind of shy — which she is, until you talk to her for about 5 minutes. After getting to know her a little better, I found out she is very personable, very passionate about conservative issues, and she also has some interesting thoughts on dating to share.

Sharon Soon

Give me some pet peeves, things that guys do to annoy you in the dating arena.

I am always forewarned when guys come off as too overconfident. That’s really telling. Because it’s more about them than other people and they’re trying too hard to impress.

So, you don’t like overconfident people?

Overconfident, talky, a little bit on the smug side — to me, that all kind of rolls in together because people like that are — they’re #1…it’s all about them. …Confidence is very important and guys should know who they are and be secure in that, but overconfidence is unjustified, because you think you’re better than other people. I also don’t like it when guys…overdo the flattery…

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Absolutely. It’s kind of like night and day. I have always had a policy of not dating liberals, but once, after a bad break-up, I dated a couple of liberal guys…

First of all, they don’t have the same values and I find that to be a fundamental problem. I know a lot of people are willing to accept that, but I’m not. Their whole world view is different from someone who has conservative values and traditional values as a way of life.

Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality — because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live. You get guys who are selfish and into themselves and don’t care so much about humanity, other people, or me — that just leads to a lot of problems. I also have a problem with guys who are into things like getting completely trashed and doing drugs…

Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.

We were fighting for like another 2 hours. …We were sitting in the car and I left my car on and when I realized it was going to be a while, I turned my car off. I didn’t realize that my lights were on. My car was parked 3 houses away from my house because I lived with my mother and she had this tendency to look out the window and spy on me. So, two hours later, my car wouldn’t start and it was stuck a block in front of my house.

It was a disaster. We needed to jump the car with jumper cables, but I couldn’t go in my house and get them. My boyfriend decided we would drive back to his house, which was half an hour away, to get the jumper cables. So, we drove, and couldn’t find the jumper cables. So, we called AAA and were on hold for a while by that point and then AAA hung up on us. We were so tired we slept in the car for a little while. We kept trying to call AAA back, we got them back, and they said they’d be there in 15 minutes. But, we tried the car again and I guess, because it had been 3 or 4 hours, the battery has juiced back up and the car started fine. So, at like 4:30 in the morning, I was able to get my car in the driveway where it belonged and I could go home.

What’s the one thing you think guys have wrong about women?

Guys tend to think women like these macho tough guys and they have to be sort of like masculine, powerful, and flawless. They put on this tough guy act and in all honesty, girls, make fun of guys for that. We can see right through it. We know that it’s just a put on and a joke. You know, guys who are flexing their muscles, talking about how often they work out …talking about how they can out drink the guy next to them. You can call it a Napoleon complex or whatever you like, but we’re not really impressed.

Michelle Oddis

Michelle Oddis Michelle is a news producer and columnist for Human Events[7] that I met at CPAC and have gotten to know a little better since then. Michelle is brainy, unfailingly decent, and has a great sense of humor — even when, as I first met her, she’s struggling unsuccessfully to get a laptop going.

Give me some pet peeves, things that guys do to annoy you in the dating arena.

It’s annoying when they ask me what I want to do, over and over again. I prefer it when they pick the place, what we’re going to do, and then ask me if I’m okay with that — kind of take control. I’d rather not figure out what we’re going to do.

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

Yeah, in the past year, I think I’ve dated one or two of them. There is usually an issue there with religion, which is kind of frustrating, because you’re not necessarily going to go out on one or two dates with someone and think that you’re going to marry them. But, with long term goals, how you’re going to raise your kids, whether you’re going to bring them to church or not, you wonder if that person is going to show the same values — there tends to be a difference there with liberal guys.

Another turn-off with liberal guys, at least for me, tends to be 2nd Amendment stuff. Gun rights? I think it’s kind of wimpy when guys don’t think people should be able to protect themselves.

What would you call a pretty good idea for a first date as opposed to a bad idea for a first date?

I think a good idea for a first date is something really low-key. Drinks, maybe appetizers, so you can sit there and talk with the person. A bad idea is a movie because you can’t talk with the person…

What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on?

I went to a wedding with somebody…we hadn’t been dating that long, and he took me to a wedding in Ohio and he actually ditched me for the photographer girl at the wedding. That stunk. …I flew all the way to Ohio with that person, didn’t know anyone at the wedding, and then he blew me off.

Gosh, that’s terrible. …Have you ever done online dating?

I have…it actually worked out pretty well for me. …I don’t have a lot of time at work, I wasn’t really meeting a lot of people at the events I go to at work, and I’m in front of a computer a lot. I think of it more, this sounds kind of bad, but you’re able to shop a little bit more. …It can be nerve wracking at first …but I think for people whose careers are as busy as mine, it can be a good way to date…

Dawn Eden

I read Dawn Eden’s[8] book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On[9], in preparation for an interview I’m supposed to be doing with her and was genuinely surprised at how good the book is. You know, I figured, “It’s a book about chastity. What can you say other than don’t have sex?” However, it turned out to be an extremely well written, deeply spiritual, very personal book that was one of the best things I’ve read in the last six months.

More importantly, at least as far as this piece goes, it had lots of dating stories in it, so I hit up Dawn for an interview. She graciously agreed and was remarkably pleasant and generous with her time while I asked her prying question after prying question for the article and about her book.

Dawn Eden

Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys?

…My experience with liberals is that superficially, they may be more fun to be around. They’re a bit looser and more relaxed. They make an effort to be more sensitive, but the sensitivity only goes so far. It’s easy for a man to keep this illusion of being a great, sensitive romantic if he knows he’s just going to sleep with you and then say good-bye. Anybody can be Mr. Love God for one night or one week or one month.

When I became conservative, which coincided with my becoming a Christian, I realized that even though there were things I liked sentimentally about liberal men, I wanted somebody who shared my values. Conservatives might not always be so easy to get along with at first, but I thought it was worth my time to get to know men who were compatible with me and would eventually warm up.

Dawn on a “nightmare opera date” she went on.

I was with my boyfriend (at the time) — I shouldn’t say it was a nightmare, because I like him very much and he wasn’t a nightmare, but…we were, if I recall correctly, up on the very last row at the Metropolitan Opera and during the intermission, we were in the refreshment line. Then we got to the front of the line and he turned around and dashed away. I mean, he disappeared. I could not find him. I waited and waited and he didn’t come back.

I walked around and somebody told me he was ill and he had gone to the men’s room. Then someone else told me he had a nosebleed — people in the crowd. — because I was asking, “Have you seen this man, have you seen this man?”

So, I walked downstairs and you know at the Met, it’s so beautiful, velvety carpet..and I look at the ground and there are white paper towels with red blood on them on the ground. He had actually left a trail of blood.

Then finally, I got to the men’s room and found out he was hiding out there until his nosebleed had let up. By the time I got there, it had stopped bleeding, but he was so distressed because, I guess, it’s frightening having a nosebleed, especially when you’re out on a date, and it’s just really uncomfortable I guess…

Have you ever done online dating? If so, what was that like?

Yes, I have…the problem with online dating is that even though some people do find their soul mate through that, I think the vast majority of people who attempt it will only find disappointment and heartbreak.

…There’s just constantly this feeling in online dating that people are passing you up. You’re reaching out to people who might write back to you once and might not write back again and also, there is constant disappointment in coming home every night and checking your messages, or checking them all day, or writing to people and hoping they’ll write back and being disappointed.

Then, if you do meet somebody in person, they don’t know you personally and they don’t know your friends, and they can just decide to dump you and not feel any kind of obligation…it’s really like a feeling of being an actor and going on audition after audition after audition and being rejected…

What’s the one thing you think guys have wrong about women?

I think men try too hard to impress women by (appearing) wealthy or talking about how successful or powerful they are. I think that probably means they’re trying to attract a certain kind of woman. But, if you want to be married, if you want to be in a meaningful relationship, you don’t try to sell yourself as a commodity. You try to be present for the woman, interested in her, and chivalrous towards her.

  1. Conservative Grapevine:
  2. her own blog:
  3. Wizbang:
  4. Alarming News:
  5. Dr. Melissa Clouthier:
  6. Conservatives With Attitude:
  7. Human Events:
  8. Dawn Eden’s:
  9. The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On:

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