by John Hawkins | April 16, 2003 12:32 am
It’s Probably Not As Bad As It Sounds: This doesn’t sound like the most pleasant way to check out, even for a chicken…
“Two California poultry farmers who fed some 30,000 live chickens into wood chippers will not face criminal charges because they had permission from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, prosecutors said on Friday.
…The farmers needed to destroy the chickens because they were “spent” — or no longer able to produce eggs — and could not make chicken soup out of them because the farms were under quarantine for the poultry virus Exotic Newcastle Disease, District Attorney’s spokeswoman Gayle Stewart said.
Stewart said the men, who run a poultry farm near San Diego, asked a senior veterinarian with the Agriculture Department if they could employ the wood chippers and were given permission.”
But on the other hand, let’s face it, chickens aren’t the smartest animals in the world. I can just imagine the thoughts going through their heads right before they bought it…
Chicken 1: “Gee, what’s that? Wow, it’s moving so fast. Maybe it’s some new sort of food or… BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
Chicken 2: “Hey, what happened to Chicken 1? First he’s there, then he’s not. There, then he’s not. There, then he’s not. There…. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….
Chicken 3: “Round, round, round, round, I get around! Get around, round, round, round, I get around! I get around…. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
No, no, just kidding. Make sure NOT to put your chickens in a wood chipper, unless, and this is very important, you can make sure the Humane Society never hears about it.
That’s very important! No really, I’m serious now — don’t put your chickens in a wood chipper. I can just see some psycho who thinks I’m a member of the Illuminati dropping his puppy in a wood chipper and then telling CNN that he did it because RWN said it was cool. Don’t do it. Animals and wood chippers don’t mix!
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