by John Hawkins | May 26, 2004 12:45 am
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked St. Peter, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man. “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.” replied St. Peter
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s John Kerry’s clock?” asked the man.
“Kerry’s clock is in God’s office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
Hat tip to the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System for posting this one first
***Update #1***: Joke of the day #2
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview, She is a part time “working girl”. All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance’ and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who supports John Kerry for President?
Worried About My Reputation
Hat tip to DANEgerus Weblog for this joke.
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