Joke Of The Day

by John Hawkins | July 8, 2003 11:44 am

Joke Of The Day: An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up.

After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness”, the American replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave”. The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. “And your second wish, what is it to be?” the Sheikh asked.

The American replied: “Tie the French B*stard to my back.”

This joke was first found at Common Sense & Wonder[1].

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Joke Of The Day

by John Hawkins | April 3, 2003 3:27 pm

Joke Of The Day: All six of Saddam’s doubles were called to a meeting today to be briefed as to what their job over the next few days would be. Each of them came eagerly to see what their great leader had in mind for them and also because they were worried after not hearing from him after the initial bombings. Uday came into the conference room with his bodyguards behind him.

“I have good news and bad news.” Uday said.

“The good news is that Saddam is alive and well so you all may keep your jobs!”

The lookalikes all cheered and praised Saddam and Allah.

“The bad news is that Saddam lost an eye and an arm.”

This joke was cribbed from Expect Nothing[1].

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Joke Of The Day

by John Hawkins | February 25, 2003 11:59 pm

Joke Of The Day: Currently, I’m reading Reagan’s War: The Epic Story of His Forty Year Struggle and Final Triumph Over Communism[1], but next I’m going to be reading David Horowitz’s How To Beat The Democrats And Other Subversive Ideas[2]. Today, I actually read the preface & first chapter of Horowitz’s book and it was excellent. It began with a joke that Horowitz swiped from former Congressman Jim Rogan. I hope Horowitz won’t mind me reprinting it on RWN — I’d be willing to ask him that myself if he’d ever agree to an interview =) (**hint hint**), but here goes…

“A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing his altitude, he spotted a woman on the ground below and asked for help. “Excuse me,” he said when she was within earshot. “Can you help me? I don’t know where I am and I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago.”

The woman looked up at him and said. “Sure. You are in a hot air balloon, about thirty feet above the ground. Your location is between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

Hearing this, the man in the balloon became irritated. Looking down at her he asked, “Are you a Republican?”

“Yes,” she replied. “How did you know?”

“Well,” he snapped, “the information you’ve given me is probably technically correct, but I haven’t the foggiest idea of what to do with it. I’m still lost, my friend is still waiting for me, and frankly you haven’t been any help at all.”

“Are you a Democrat?” the woman asked.

“Yes” he said. “How did you know?”

“Easy,” she answered. “You don’t know where you are, and you don’t know where you’re going. You’ve risen to your present position on a large quantity of hot air, you’ve made promises you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. Moreover, you’re in the same position as when we met, but you’ve found a way to blame your predicament on me.”

  1. Reagan’s War: The Epic Story of His Forty Year Struggle and Final Triumph Over Communism:
  2. How To Beat The Democrats And Other Subversive Ideas:

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