Kerry Refuses to Release Senate Records By Scott Ott

by John Hawkins | April 21, 2004 8:47 pm

After bowing to pressure to release his Vietnam-era military records[1], Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry today adamantly refused to release his U.S. Senate records.

“It’s one thing to probe into a candidate’s military service and medical records,” said Mr. Kerry. “But frankly what I did, or did not do, in the privacy of the U.S. Senate chambers is nobody’s business.”

Critics are particularly interested in seeing any comprehensive health care bill that Mr. Kerry has sponsored. On the campaign trail, he been a tireless advocate of health coverage for all Americans, but in more than a decade as a Senator, no evidence has emerged that he wrote or sponsored any such legislation.

“Legislating is not the only way to create law,” said Mr. Kerry. “When I’m president, I plan to issue an executive order forcing the Supreme Court to create a new civil right to comprehensive health care coverage.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface[2].