No Blood for Oil! Lithium!

by TrogloPundit | June 19, 2010 2:47 am

I haven’t heard any Lefties saying this, so I’m saying it for them.

Maybe they just need somebody else to be first. Or maybe they just want to nod their heads, knowingly, while somebody else says exactly what they were thinking.

So here goes.

Afghanistan. The good war, right? Yeah, right. Here we all thought — because President Bush told us — that our troops were in Afghanistan because the Taliban was in cahoots with Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. They’re terrorist-supporting bastards, and that, says President Bush’s more intellectually curious successor, is how we know whose ass to kick.

But wait, that’s not why we’re in Afghanistan after all:[1]

The United States has discovered nearly $1 trillion in untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan, far beyond any previously known reserves and enough to fundamentally alter the Afghan economy and perhaps the Afghan war itself, according to senior American government officials.

Yeah, we just happened to stumble across that. I’m sure.

But wait again: that was earlier this week. Just a few days later, the estimates were tripled:–u-s-underestimating-afghanistan-s-mineral-wealth-says-minister

KABUL–An Afghan mining official says the untapped minerals in the war-torn country are worth at least $3 trillion (U.S.) – triple a U.S. estimate.

This time next week, the Afghanis will be buying us.

But that’s not the point. The point is: just as Chimpy McBushhitler lied us into Iraq to enrich his oil-baron buddies, he obviously lied us into war in Afghanistan just to exploit their vast mineral wealth.

What? We didn’t know about the vast mineral wealth until this week? You shut up! Bush clearly knew that Iraq had no WMD prior to the 2003 invasion, despite every U.S. politician of either major party and every foreign leader and the U.N. weapons inspection teams[2] knowing, at the time, that Saddam sure as hell did have them.

American imperialism knows no bounds. And surely no conscience. Before you know it, 8-year-old Afghan children will be toiling 18 hours a day chipping minerals out of Afghani rocks so that American billionaires — big Bush donors, all – can take another inch off the hemlines of the uniforms worn by the stewardesses who mix their martinis and light their fat Cubans as they (private) jet between New York and Las Vegas, just because they can.

Wake up, American Left. You’re behind the curve.

(The TrogloPundit intends to continue spouting ridiculous conspiracy theories until such time as Ace finally mocks him for it[3].)

  1. that’s not why we’re in Afghanistan after all::
  2. U.N. weapons inspection teams:
  3. Ace finally mocks him for it:

Source URL: