by John Hawkins | May 23, 2003 8:42 pm
No One Covers The War On Terrorism Like The Weekly World News: As per usual, the print edition of the Weekly World News is full of fascinating information that the mainstream press has obviously tried to keep under wraps. For example, when was the last time the Washington Post ran an article about capturing demons for fun and profit? Why hasn’t the New York Post informed the public about the crazed squirrels who ate a scientist alive during an experiment gone wrong in Germany? Has Matt Drudge let us know that earth’s atmosphere is evaporating and that every human on the planet will suffocate to death within eight years?
Well, the Weekly World News has all these stories and more (did someone say Bat Boy?) and they’re blowing the cover off of the war on terrorism. For example, here’s the beginning of an article on Osama Bin Laden…
“American agents hunting Osama Bin Laden are getting help from an unexpected source — it turns out he’s a bed-wetting mama’s boy!
“We’ve gotten to know all of Bin Laden’s quirks pretty well,” confides a member of the CIA’s crack pursuit team, “but what’s really helped us most is the way he wets himself whenever he falls asleep.”
See? While the New York Times was busy trying to figure out how many articles Jayson Blair created from scratch, the Weekly World News was doing some real reporting!
But, the WWN really blows it wide open when the reveal perhaps the biggest scoop of the year so far — Saddam’s Diary! Just look at these shocking excerpts the WWN says the CIA & Army intelligence have confirmed were penned by Saddam himself…
On Jacques Chirac…
“Jacques is my friend, my lover, my confidante. His kisses are like the French wines we drink — sweet, and fine. Our nights are filled with love for one another. I wish he never had to leave me, but the world wouldn’t understand what we have between us.”
OK, so that one was no big surprise. But, what about this…
“Cannibal cultures have the right idea. Human flesh is more powerful than all the other meats. When I eat the flesh of fresh babies, I am energized and joyous for weeks. The taste is exquisite, like tender marinated lamb.”
You hear that you peaceniks? While you were in the street trying to keep us from invading, Saddam was eating babies. I hope you’re happy! Perhaps he was so troubled by what you’re about to hear that eating babies was his only solace….
“Why me? Why me? My own sons are endowed like big, strong, animals and I am so small. My lovers laugh at me behind my back. I have heard they call me ‘the pencil’.”
Moreover, Saddam apparently dresses in women’s clothes, loves Michael Jackson, planned to invade America, enslave the Arab world, and nuke the Pyramids, Mt. Rushmore, and the Eiffel Tower (I bet he and Jacques would have had a lover’s spat after that).
Now, I’ll grant you that some people would call the Weekly World News “total fiction”, “complete b.s.”, “less reliable than Jayson Blair”, etc, etc. But hey, since Yahoo is posting a WWN story about meat producing trees with no warnings that the story isn’t credible, how bad can the WWN be? I mean Yahoo certainly wouldn’t lead person, after person, after person astray by not adequately alerting people to what sort of paper the Weekly World News actually is….or would they? I think the fact that Snopes had to actually punch something up explaining to people that there aren’t really “Tree(s) That Give Meat Instead Of Fruit” answers that question. Yahoo should take the hint, yank the story, explain what happened, and stop posting material from the WWN without a warning…
Source URL: https://rightwingnews.com/uncategorized/no-one-covers-the-war-on-terrorism-like-the-weekly-world-news/
Copyright ©2022 John Hawkins' Right Wing News unless otherwise noted.