by John Hawkins | June 24, 2003 2:41 pm
Presidential War Lies By Frank J.: Some people are now accusing Bush of lying about WMD’s. I think he was telling the truth and they just haven’t found them yet (hint: try checking in the camel humps), but, even if it is a lie, it will probably be soon forgotten. Presidents have told lies about pretty much every single war, and no one remembers them now:
* Revolutionary War: George Washington helped rally colonists to fight against the British by saying that the British has nuclear weapons they were planning to use on the colonies. After the war, though, he was unable to show any evidence of nuclear weapons or even explain what one was.
* War of 1812: President Madison said calling it the “War of 1812” was only temporary and they’d eventually come up with a really cool name for it.
* Civil War: President Lincoln said the South had an army of mutant, man-eating cotton plants they planned to unleash on the North, though only one was ever found.
* Mexican American War: President Polk told the American people the Mexicans eat babies, but the only evidence he produced was a large tortilla waiting for an unknown filling. That wacky Polk; who knows what mischief he would have gotten us into if he ran for a second term.
* African Diamond War: Completely made up war so that Teddy Roosevelt could go on safari.
* WWI: President Woodrow Wilson said there is nothing more fun than trench warfare.
* WWII: FDR told Americans that once they liberated France, the French would be eternally grateful, when, according to intelligence he had, he knew the French would be grateful for three and a half hours at most.
* Korean War: President Truman said the Korean War would be forever remembered with reverence and would never be the subject for a sitcom.
* Vietnam War: Lyndon Johnson told American troops that they would win the Vietnam War, no matter how smelly, filthy, hairy, and moronic the war protestors were.
* First Gulf War: President Herbert Walker Bush said that their victory would be so complete that the war would never be known as the First Gulf War.
If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO.
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