by John Hawkins | February 3, 2006 11:08 am
Over at the liberal blog, Seeing the Forest, blogger *Dave Johnson is apparently feeling frightened, offended, and downright threatened by the Pentagon denouncing that offensive Tom Toles cartoon in the WAPO.
Just look at this hilariously over-the-top response:
“This is THE MILITARY DIRECTLY THREATENING A NEWSPAPER on behalf of the Republican Party. This is WAYYYY beyond unprecedented. This is past “find a safe refuge in Canada” time. This is a serious WATCH YOUR BACKS!!!!”
“WATCH YOUR BACKS”, huh =D?
Well, for once, the libs were right because that was Dave’s last post on Seeing the Forest. You see, shortly after that post was detected by a super secret NSA program designed to root out dissent, Dave was whisked off to Guantanamo Bay where he was stuck in a cell with 3 large, angry Jihadis responsible for a decapitation in Iraq. Unfortunately, mere hours later, the Jiahdis claimed Dave’s constant cries of, “Save me, Howard Dean,” constituted torture and in order to shut them up, Dave was moved into a cell with Barbra Streisand and Noam Chomsky.
Now, you might be surprised to know that Noam Chomsky and Streisand are both at Gitmo, but they were both rounded up as part of the new, “Freedom, Patriotism, Mother, and Apple Pie,” Act which was passed in the dead of night, two days ago with 55 Republicans voting, “aye,” and no Democrats present.
Under the, “Freedom, Patriotism, Mother, and Apple Pie,” Act, all liberals are to be rounded up and tossed in “Freedom Camps” run by National Camp Director Ann Coulter. All liberals lucky enough to be sent away will be exposed to blaring videos featuring clips of Ronald Reagan speeches, Pat Robertson sermons, Patriotic Music, the Left Behind movies, and the Dr. Laura show until they become more of what we like to think of as, Freedomillicious!
Now some of you may be wondering why the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy waited this long to start rounding up liberals. Well, there were two reasons. We had to wait until the conservatives took over in Canada, so they could capture any liberals who fled there. Also, it took longer than expected to get lists of all the registered gun owners in America.
Oh, but why do we need the lists of registered gun owners? So we can arrest everybody else! Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but it was a good starting point…well, at least that’s what Emperor Bush said this morning after all the Republicans in Congress elected him dictator for life. Of course, the emperor gave a speech after his election and the highlight of it was that now that conservatives are in charge, there will be a few changes….particularly in geography, since we nuked Iran, Syria, North Korea, and France off the map this morning.
Make sure to tune into Fox — which is on every station now — for more details about this exciting new era of American liberty in between the liberal gladiator fights. What happens when we put Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, & Sean Penn in a room with 12 tigers we haven’t fed in a week? Find out live at 8 PM tonight on Fox!
* Note that this post is satire, designed to illustrate absurdity by being absurd, as Rush might say. What I just described? It’s probably not all that far from what liberals like Dave think conservatives would really like to do — if we had the chance. Of course, that’s not true at all (well, maybe the gladiators thing is a little true. I would pay good money to watch prominent liberals fight hungry tigers in a battle to the death 😉
Also, hat tip to the The Hotline’s Blogometer for pointing out the Seeing for the Forest post.
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