by John Hawkins | December 10, 2007 7:00 am
The Huffington Post is the world’s largest liberal blog and is generally considered to be even more mainstream than the Daily Kos. Although it may be true that they’re generally not quite as venomous or conspiratorial, the bubbleheaded celebrity crowd has helped produce some particularly vacuous posts this year, some of which you’ll find below.
10) Bush Should Commute Michael Vick’s Sentence
…There are many cultures in the world that accept and promote cruelty to animals. In some countries of Hispanic origin, bullfighting is promoted as a national sport. And dogs are eaten in some Asian countries. It is my understanding that dog fighting is part of the African-American culture despite the fact that it is a federal crime. That does not make it right, but it does explain in part Vick’s participation in this event.” — Sheldon Drobny
9) “A poet once wrote, “You can take the boy out of ratf*cking, but you can’t take the ratf*cking out of the boy.” So true.
Karl Rove is one of those legendary mythological creatures: half doughy man-boy, half ratf*cker. It’s his nature. Once a ratf*cker, always a ratf*cker. Remove the Bush White House from the equation and he’ll be ratf*cking all over the place. Ratf*cking in the private sector. Ratf*cking at the mall. Ratf*cking in the self-checkout aisle at the grocery store.” — Bob Cesca
8) “Abortion Ban & Virginia Massacre: Don’t Forget To Thank The Nader Voters
There are so many people to thank when the Supreme Court strikes down an integral part of a woman’s constitutional right to abortion. And in the same week, a psychotically disturbed student is allowed to buy guns and bullets without any background check.
So we would be remiss if we didn’t thank Ralph Nader and all the progressives who voted for that selfless individual in 2000 and 2004.” — Martin Lewis on the massacre committed by Cho Seung-hui
7) I was midway through my morning walk with my dog. Hudson. We make the same loop around our neighborhood every day, for the most part, a quiet winding road up and around our little enclave within Coldwater Canon. And then, I walked past a guy sitting in his Bentley, talking on the cell phone while his engine idling.
And that pissed me off.
…Me: Hey. Why don’t you turn your car off while you’re just sitting there.
(Note to self — a simple “please” gets you places.)
Douche bag in Bentley: vroom vroom – he guns his engine to make very intimidating manly noise as if to tell me off.
Me: Turn off your car…what’s your problem?
DIB: Why don’t you get a job so you can find a better way to spend your time other than harassing people?
Me: Are you kidding me? Why don’t you take your small penis car out of my neighborhood, you douche bag?
He then peeled away from the curb and yelled out the window at me as I walked away that I probably had some movie deal waiting for me at home, and why didn’t I go deal with it, which I found remotely amusing and completely irrelevant. ” — Suzy Shuster
6) “We’re a nation divided, and I don’t understand the sanctimonious calls for bipartisanship, for reaching out to our brothers and sisters across the aisle. There were good Germans who reached out to Nazis, there were good Americans who reached out to the Southern slave-holders, but some evils don’t lend themselves to feel-good compromise; they must be defeated.” — Frank Dwyer
5) “You could argue that even the world’s worst fascist dictators at least meant well. They honestly thought were doing good things for their countries by suppressing blacks/eliminating Jews/eradicating free enterprise/repressing individual thought/killing off rivals/invading neighbors, etc. Only the Saudi royal family is driven by the same motives as Bush, but they were already entrenched. Bush set a new precedent. He came into office with the attitude of “I’m so tired of the public good. What about my good? What about my rich friends’ good?”
How can anyone not see it? It’s not that (the Bush administrations) policies have been misguided or haven’t played out right. They. Don’t. Even. Mean. Well. ” — Peter Mehlman
4) “I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, whose judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, “how bout just washing the one square out.
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what’s called a “dining sleeve.” The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another “dining sleeve,” after usage. The design will offer the “diner” the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.” — Sheryl Crow
3) “Democrat flaks jump on this like ducks on a June-bug, and in the process themselves reproduce the sick militarism of this culture that automatically valorizes anyone who wears a uniform. How dare you insult a soldier! Like its some sacred calling instead of an imperial employment program steeped in the culture of machismo and misogyny.(And you can gasp as theatrically as you want… I spent more than two decades wearing a uniform… that is exactly what it is.)” — Stan Goff
2) “I hear about Tony Snow and say to myself, well, stand up every day, lie to the American people at the behest of your dictator-esque boss and well, how could a cancer NOT grow in you. Work for Fox News, spinning the truth in to a billion knots and how can your gut not rot? I know, it’s terrible. I admit it. I don’t wish anyone harm, even Tony Snow. And I do hope he recovers or at least does what he feels is best and surrounds himself with friends and family for his journey. But in the back of my head there’s Justin Timberlake’s “What goes around, goes around, comes around, comes all the way back around, ya.” — Charles Karel Bouley
1) “General Pace – you have the power to fulfill your responsibility to protect the troops under your command. Indeed you have an obligation to do so.
You can relieve the President of his command.
Not of his Presidency. But of his military role as Commander-In-Chief.”
…To be crystal clear – I am NOT advocating or inciting you to undertake any illegal act, insurrection, mutiny, putsch or military coup.
…In addition to relieving him of his command as Commander-In-Chief, you also have authority to place the President under MILITARY arrest.” — Martin Lewis
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