by John Hawkins | May 15, 2003 3:21 pm
The Assault Rifle Ban Makes Me So Mad I Want to Go on a Shooting Spree By Frank J: The assault rifle ban is coming up for renewal, and Bush said he supports it. That sucks, yo. Gun regulations are always made by people who don’t know jack about guns (that’s why they hate them), and the assault weapon ban pretty much defines an assault weapon as any gun that looks cool or has an awesome name. And all these laws are never retroactive (do you want to be the one going door to door asking people for their guns?), so they make the pre-ban guns really expensive. Soon, the ability to kill lots of people quickly will solely be in the hands on the rich. That because – and remember this – Democrats hate poor people.
Anyway, I think citizens should be able to own real assault weapons, and I mean the ones that are fully automatic rifles with large capacity clips (or belt fed). Here are ten reasons why:
THE TOP TEN REASONS REGULAR CITIZENS SHOULD BE ABLE TO OWN ASSAULT RIFLES
10. Sometimes you’re too mad for just a normal gun.
9. If you see a dozen deer in one meadow, how else are you supposed to shoot them all before they run away?
8. Self-defense sometimes involves “assaulting” a fortress.
7. Keeping control of a fully automatic weapon helps build upper body strength.
6. If we’re not allowed to have assault rifles, that will make us mad and we have other guns.
5. Not as impressive writing your name in the wall with a semi-automatic.
4. For elderly people with arthritis, it may be painful for them to hit the trigger multiple times.
3. What if dragons are real and one tries to mug you in a dark alley?
2. I don’t how good a reason this is, but after I’ve had a few beers in me I’m always like, “Man, would it be cool to have an assault rifle right now.”
And the number one reason regular citizens should be able to own assault rifles…
1) This is America; we don’t have to give a d*mn reason for owning something.
If you enjoyed this humor by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO .
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