The Loser Celeb Leader Poll Results

by John Hawkins | April 2, 2008 6:14 am

Yesterday, during the April Fool’s Day prank, I ran a poll about which celebrity — people would want to be led by — if they were stuck in a dangerous situation on a desert island with: Paris Hilton, Tom Green, Britney Spears, Andy Dick, Rosie O’Donnell, Michael Jackson, Carrot Top, Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, Gary Busey.

It was just a poll I quickly tossed together as a goof, but it got such a good response, I thought it was worth doing a follow-up on.

First of all, here is how the 903 poll responses broke down,

Michael Jackson: 2%
Andy Dick: 3%
Courtney Love: 3%
Amy Winehouse: 3%
Rosie O’Donnell: 4%
Britney Spears: 4%
Paris Hilton: 7%
Tom Green: 10%
Carrot Top: 18%
Gary Busey: 45%

Gary Busey cleaned up, didn’t he? Wow, just imagine the horror of being in a life-or-death situation with the gang-of-idiots above and this man is your only hope of making it out alive,

It would be enough to drive you to despair, which is probably what inspired these comments from RWN’s readers yesterday,

“Those are the only choices??? I’m swimming for it!” — ToddonCapeCod

“This is one of the few times to discuss the merits of anarchy.” — Mike_M

“I would choose to drench myself in steak sauce and swim toward the nearest group of sharks.” — CavalierX

“Carrot Top is the obvious choice. He’s the only one that is sane and pretends to be crazy. The others are crazy and pretend to be sane.” — Social_Conservative

Those comments were entertaining, but none of them measured up to what Ryan Placchetti over at Perish the Reason[1] (boffo looking blog by the way) had to say. Believe it or not, he pumped out a 1200 word post on this poll that included awesome profiles like these,

Andy Dick – 42 year old Andy’s history of drug use and unwanted groping of celebrities really doesn’t do us much good in a survival situation. He once got his *ss kicked by Jon Lovitz. Good for Jon, I guess. Dick’s work with PETA could give him a knowledge of local fauna, making him a potentially valuable resource for identifying edible game, helping the group to avoid poisonous critters. Even so, given his penchant for recklessness, it’s unlikely that Andy would be key to the group’s survival.

Carrot Top – The 43 year old comedian is something of a red herring (enjoy the pun, they’re few and far between around here), since everyone remembers him as the wimpy frazzle headed standup comic who grew famous for his odd appearance and his unconventional use of prop based comedy. Even his fellow comedians think he’s a p*ssy. I caught a Pauly Shore show in 2005 where Pauly thought he could kick Carrot Top’s *ss in a celebrity boxing match. Pauly Shore is about five-foot five and probably about one-hundred-fifty pounds. Carrot Top on the other hand has swollen over the years into a muscle bound goon. With his background in prop construction, Carrot Top may be the most valuable member of the team, bringing both physical prowess and actual skills to the table. It’s pretty sad when this guy is our Professor.

Remarkably, after all that detailed analysis, Ryan chose Tom Green as the leader when clearly, Carrot Top is the man with “loser celeb leader” written all over him…