The Weekly World News Scoops Everyone On Kim Jong-Il & The Satan/Saddam Connection

The Weekly World News Scoops Everyone On Kim Jong-Il & The Satan/Saddam Connection

The Weekly World News Scoops Everyone On Kim Jong-Il & The Satan/Saddam Connection: I bought the print edition of the “Weekly World News” at the supermarket this week-end on a whim and I have to tell you, these guys blow everybody else away. For example, have you ever seen this on CNN?

Apparently Kim Jong-Il watches QVC and the Home Shopping Network, replaced all the drapes, sheets, bedspreads, & towels in the presidential palace with brightly colored matching floral patterns, regularly asks if clothes certain clothes, “make me look fat”, and has been a member of Oprah’s bookclub since 1996 =). According to the Weekly World News, all of this has been confirmed by Jong-Il’s one time doctor Sun Ho Myong who also says a bit of, “diplomatic ‘pillow talk’ might be in order to straighten out the situation.” I may never say these words again, but by all means, I think this would be the perfect time to send in Bill Clinton to negotiate. Come on Bill, do it for your country!

Now you may think that’s a big story, but it doesn’t compare to finding a demon’s body on an Iraqi Battlefield does it? Apparently Satan himself through in with Saddam and against any other military on earth, that may have been enough. But, apparently this demon met up with the American Seventh Calvary near Najaf and they blew him back to Hell where he belongs.

Of course, this adds a new dimension to the battle that may make the war more dangerous. The Weekly World News quotes an Army Intelligence Operative (probably the same anonymous source Seymour Hersh quoted in his spectacularly wrong stories about Afghanistan and Iraq) as saying, “We have no idea how Satan-trained troops might respond in battle. We do know that our troops haven’t been trained to cope with satanic forces.” On the upside, there’s not yet any proof that Satan has sent 40,000 demons to defend Iraq and then invade America as the Weekly World News had earlier reported (yes, really they did). Look for an editorial next week from Ted Rall entitled, “Maybe Satan isn’t so bad after all if he’s attacking America.”

There are also plenty of other fantastic stories in this week’s Weekly World News like, “Satan’s Face Seen Over Baghdad”, “Legendary Skunk Ape Is Real”, “Devil’s Footprints Seen In Iraqi Desert”, “WWN Columnist Challenges Iraq’s Leader To Gunfight”, & “Devil’s Triangle Mystery Solved – A Giant Sea Monster Is Swallowing Ships Whole.” I know all of this stuff may sound a bit fantastic, but it does at least seem to be as accurate & reliable as Robert Fisk’s reporting from Iraq during the war so maybe there’s something to it! =D

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