Threat Level Upped to Red When Broker Says “Enron”

by John Hawkins | June 3, 2003 10:04 am

Threat Level Upped to Red When Broker Says “Enron” by Scott Ott: The Homeland Security Department briefly increased the national security threat level to “Red” this afternoon when a Wall Street Broker apparently used the word Enron in a sentence. Fighter jets were scrambled over New York City, and some school children donned gas masks and headed for fallout shelters.

By 4 p.m., FBI and SEC agents verified that the broker had not used the name of the disgraced energy-trading company, so the threat level returned to “Yellow”.

“I didn’t use the ‘E’ word,” said the unnamed stockbroker. “I was simply telling a colleague about who I ran into at Starbuck’s this morning. I told him I saw Bob and Ron. Next thing you know, it’s sirens, bells and jack-booted Federal agents with automatic weapons.”

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dipped below its opening level at about 3:30 p.m., just after the alleged remark, and barely recovered before the close. The NASDAQ slumped and stayed down, losing more than 5 points on the day.

If you liked this satire by Scott Ott, you can see more of his work at Scrappleface[1].