by John Hawkins | February 10, 2004 6:49 pm
Current polls actually have Bush behind Kerry in a national match-up. Then again, Mondale led Reagan in the polls early on, so that doesn’t mean too much. Still, it would be great if Bush started to raise his popularity, and I have some suggestions how.
TOP TEN WAYS BUSH CAN RAISE HIS POPULARITY
10. Use funky new remixed version of “Hail to the Chief” when entering a room.
9. Rescue kids from a burning orphanage. It may take a number of tries for Bush to get the rescue right, but there are plenty of orphanages and they are all surprisingly flammable.
8. To quickly create millions of new jobs, murder Canadians and steal theirs.
7. Have Bush hunt down Osama and then defeat him in brutal kung fu fight while cameras are recording the action. Could also be used for fund raising if it’s pay-per-view.
6. Dismiss questions about Bush war record by having him use a fighter jet to destroy a strategic military target – such as the Kennedy Compound.
5. Have phony pollsters do approval rating poll & then hunt down and kill anyone who disapproves of Bush’s performance.
4. People love juggling, and people love puppies – so juggle puppies!
3. He could burn down the IRS headquarters while on national T.V. leading us in the song, “Kumbaya.”
2. Same as previous, but replace song with “Welcome to the Jungle.”
And the number one way Bush can raise his popularity…
1) Finally find some WMD’s in Iraq and totally rub the world’s faces in it.
If you enjoyed this post by Frank J, you can read more of his work at IMAO.
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