by John Hawkins | July 25, 2003 10:15 am
U.S. Offers ‘Liberty Package’ To Nations In Turmoil By Scott Ott: The White House announced today that the U.S. will no longer hand out money or send troops to nations like Liberia, which are torn by internal turmoil. From now on, to get the financial and military support a nation must implement a “Liberty Package” which the U.S. will provide at no extra charge.
The Liberty Package is a “franchise concept” which promises to turn any nation into a capitalist republic. The kit includes a thick manual in a three-ring binder, plus copies of Democracy In America, The Federalist Papers, the Declaration of Independence, Constitution and earlier documents like the the Magna Carta and the Bible.
“We’re tired of throwing money down a rat hole,” said an unnamed spokesman for the State Department, which developed the Liberty Package. “We give millions of dollars to countries which continue to use failed forms of governance, with inadequate checks and balances. From now on, you follow the franchise blueprint, or you can look elsewhere for money, weapons and troops.”
The spokesman said nations which decline voluntary implementation of the Liberty Package may later be subject to mandatory implementation, in which case money, weapons and troops will flow in quite suddenly.
If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.
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