We Wouldn’t Even Treat A Dog This Way

21 Mar, 2005 by John Hawkins

Print this article Font size -16+

Rachel Lucas unloads on the Terri Schviao case as only she can:

“Let’s see. I have a dog named Sunny, as many of you know. I signed a contract at the pound taking responsibility for her and I clearly am her legal “next of kin.” Now, it’s very likely that some day, Sunny will have arthritis in her hips and legs, and she might eventually be unable to move around on her own.

So! Who knows Sunny better than me? No one! So you must take my word for it when I say that I “know” Sunny would not want to suffer from arthritis to the point that she couldn’t even walk around. Really, she wouldn’t. I am telling you.

So here’s my idea to (1) save time and money, (2) to fulfill Sunny’s “wishes”, and (3) to enforce her “rights”: when she gets to the point where the arthritis in her hips and legs is so severe that she can’t even stand up and/or walk over to the food and water bowls….WE JUST LET HER LAY THERE AND DIE!!

It’s f*cking brilliant, I tell you.

After all. We won’t actually be “killing” her. We’ll just be letting her die naturally, exactly as she would if she were in the wild. Do you think that if she lived in the woods like wolves and raccoons and squirrels do, that anyone would bring her food and water when she became crippled? F*ck no! So why should we? This is nature, folks. It is Sunny’s right to die a natural, peaceful death, unsullied by human or medical intervention.

It will probably only take 7 to 14 days for her heart to give up and stop beating. Her lips and eyes might get kind of dry, but I can slather Vaseline all over her face so she’s not too uncomfortable towards the end. You know, while she STARVES TO GODD*MN DEATH LIKE WE COULDN’T EVEN LEGALLY INFLICT UPON SOMEONE LIKE ADOLF F*CKING HITLER.

And what if any of my friends or relatives object to my plan to starve Sunny to death when she can no longer walk? What if they offer to adopt Sunny, to take her to their house, to hand-feed and hand-water her, to take her to the vet and get her good medicine, to get her any kind of therapy she would need to make her life better, and to pay for it all themselves?

THEY CAN KISS MY @SS!!

That’s right. If Sunny can’t feed herself, then she gets to die, and that is the end of the f*cking story. Just like Terri Schiavo. She “wouldn’t want” to live like a vegetable, I am telling you. No, she didn’t write it down or anything – but I swear she feels that way…well, at least she did one time a while back when it came up in conversation. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

But long before I actually let her starve to death, I think I might pull a Michael Schiavo and find a new dog and bring it to live with me. Sunny can go live in a dog hospice or something, and sometimes I’ll be an evil @sshole just like Michael Schiavo and not even let other people who love Sunny visit her. I might even threaten them with never, ever seeing her again! But only because I care so much about Sunny.

…Some of you may disagree with my plan. But how dare you question my commitment to my own dog? How dare you interfere in a private family matter? How dare you consider what other people who love Sunny might have to say about it? What kind of people are you, that you would want to prolong Sunny’s misery any longer? She is just a dog/vegetable, after all. She has no consciousness like you and me. She cannot make decisions for herself.”

Nobody can match up to Rachel in the ranting department…