by John Hawkins | January 18, 2005 11:38 pm
From Michele Catalano at A Small Victory…
“So what I’m really wondering here – guys, this is for you – is this: What is sexy? And I mean physically, so don’t cop out and give me that “a woman with a brain is sooo sexy” line. Do you honestly like a woman who looks like she hasn’t eaten since the last time the Mets won the world series? Is a woman whose protruding rib cage could conceivably pierce you during sex hot? Would you prefer a woman with a D cup and few pounds on her or an A cup with a child’s waistline? Would you date a woman who is over a size 7? Over a size ten? Do you hold yourself to the same standards of physical perfection that you do the women you choose to date/pick up/marry?
I’m really wondering about the psychological reasons for idolizing a woman who weighs less than a the loaf of bread she binged and purged yesterday. Does it make a man feel more empowered, more masculine to date/sleep with a woman he could practically break in half? Is it a dominant thing? Or is it that your idea of perfection is such that the less actual substance on a body, the better?
I’m not trying to start a war here. I’m just really, honestly curious about all this. I don’t hate Teri Polo because she’s beautiful and I’m not disparaging her body because of jealousy. I have no problem with pointing out or even having a lustful attitude toward beautiful, sexy women. I just don’t get the fascination with a naked sack of bones.”
My personal theory (#1) is that any woman who’s at least average looking can wear nice clothes, do her hair up right, smile a lot, and just pay attention to what a guy has to say and give him the idea that she thinks he’s impressive, and that will allow her to compete with just about any other woman, no matter how attractive she is.
But, that doesn’t really answer Michele’s question, does it? Truthfully, I don’t think that there is an answer. Setting aside personality here, trying to tell somebody why you find a certain type of woman attractive, just because of her looks alone, is like trying to explain why you like vanilla ice cream instead of chocolate. You just do….well, pretty much.
That’s not to say that there isn’t a reason, there is…which brings me to personal theory #2 which I formulated while reading up on behaviorism and neuro-linguistic programming while I was a psych major in college: men tend to find particular traits attractive, or unattractive, in women because they’ve had particularly good or bad experiences or fantasies that they mentally associate with that trait.
For example, there are a couple of types of hair styles that I find particularly attractive on a woman. One is shoulder length, black, curly hair. Know why? I think it’s because when I was in high school, there was a girl I went out with, that I really liked, who had hair like that…and a pleasant memory was associated deep in my subconscious with that type of hair.
So — I don’t want to say depressingly enough, but some women will find this depressing — if you meet a guy who really thinks you’re attractive, it’s probably because you either have a trait, or multiple traits, that on some level remind him of someone else, or perhaps fantasies he has had about someone else.
Well, that’s enough psychology for one post. Let’s finish up by posting random links to women I find attractive? That’s always a winner, right?
Julia Louis Dreyfuss
Laura San Giacomo
Hat tip to Instapundit for pointing out this post. Also, Ann Althouse ponders a related topic.
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