by E. M. Zanotti | March 26, 2007 7:19 pm
But then again, we live closer to Canada than we do to California, so when it comes to poisonous filth pouring over our borders (truer than you might think, as Michigan pays for Canadian garbage to be dumped in our injection wells–ironically, our single source of income these dreary days) like socialism, extraneous vowels, our current governor, we tend to point the blame finger north. Well, it turns out, we should be pointing west, since, ladies and gentleman, all of your problems come from California.
For Medrano, there’s only one despicable group of people to blame for Nevada passing a smoking ban that eliminates smoking in restaurants and bars that also serve food: Californians.
“California has a negative influence on our society,” he said, glancing around as cigarette smoke fills the stuffy place. “They should keep their world in their world.”
It’s a popular refrain from many in the West. When Californians move in, it’s always their fault when things change. They infect the rest of the region with their politics and questionable driving, and make housing prices soar.
Apparently, Californians have clamoring to leave their fair state–perhaps because it occasionally suffers from invasions by the Mexican army, or the highway system just leads you out-of-state on traffic detours–and the Brookings Institute has found that they bring with them more than just Crocs shoes and a lack of work ethic–they want all of the amenities of home in their new surroundings, including open space, “clean” air and lack of traffic. And like their counterparts from the Eastern blue states, they bring Democratic voting blocs. They even look a little responsible for the rise of blue state-ness thats been gripping the West.
Its not that well hidden, really, but it does seem like a dastardly little plot. If you only relied on evidence regarding the Gore Effect, you could see, fairly clearly, that liberalism has to spread in order to gain influence. There aren’t many people waking up from their college economics classes with their tax returns stuck to their forehead that think they might want to pay more as an added, charitable bonus. You have to take what you have, spread it more evenly across the United States, and hope that the Red State-ers don’t breed so fast that they outnumber you until Hillary has declared a dictatorship. If it were conservatism making its way towards the coasts, they’d swear Chimpy McHilterburton was orchestrating it from the depths of the Theocracy War Room.
All this on the same day that Sweden declares feminism, which we were under the impression died somewhere in the early nineties, but seems to rear its ugly head and Eve Ensler haircut just when we need it the least, is bad for your health, since it prevents men from doing their traditional duties, like opening pickle jars, fixing major appliances and scratching places that desperately need itching, and it pushes women to engage in riskier behavior, like unprotected sex with men they don’t want to have children with, which in turn leads to increased spread of STDs and emotionally and physically scarring “routine” surgeries to remove parasitic unborn children from their wombs. Granted, men scratching themselves in public is a bittersweet loss, and the feminists will play this off as new evidence that women are being oppressed by something esoteric, like the Patriarchal mandate, but its not often that twice in a day we get to lob a below the belt insult and call liberalism a disease and have two substantiating sources.
Now if only we could get it declared by the CDC.
E. M. spreads vicious political gossip daily at The American Princess.
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