by John Hawkins | July 16, 2002 10:52 pm
You Are Now Wise In The Ways Of The Blogosphere: I am continually amazed at how writers in the blogosphere are rewarded for well..how shall I put this..being complete tools. Do you want shoot up the Daypop Top 40 like a meteor? Then insult the blogosphere. Someone does it about once a week or so and immediately more people than you ever knew existed link their article just for the purpose of criticizing it. Don’t feel like you have to be a great writer to pull this off because the bigger the gaps in your logic, the more people who will feel compelled to link your writing in order to point out the flaws in what you’re saying.
The latest person to figure this out is Brendan O’Neill who must have been linked by every 2nd or 3rd blog that I read today. He wrote an irritating post that was full of the most ridiculous tripe you’ve ever seen. Here are some of highlights of Brendan’s piece…
“- I am shocked by the blogosphere’s often poor quality of writing and its celebration of pithy opinion over considered judgement.”
“- But much of the blogging world is taken up by unreadable second-rate writing and petty prejudice masquerading as journalistic opinion.”
“- The other grating thing about the blogosphere is the lack of quality writing”
“- But most of the blogosphere consists of bad, bad writing – not just clumsy sentences and never-ending paragraphs, but also spelling mistakes.”
“- And if you’re a British blogger, do not use American spellings just to please American audiences….”
Now after pumping out all of this pretentious and snide offal, what happens? The whole blogosphere rewards O’Neill by linking him. So I’ve decided to take a page out of O’Neill’s book by insulting the entire blogosphere, especially all the bloggers I want links from. Let’s get started shall we? (John Hawkins <---- Puts his best self-important, snooty, British journalist expression on his face)
The blogosphere fills me with contempt because it is full of puerile American spellings and simplistic thought. Personally, I favor a blog tax to keep the common riff-raff away from writing for websites anyway. Journalism is serious business and people with names like Asparagirl and Pejman have no business sharing the internet with literary giants like Robert Fisk and Paul Krugman. Of course, I don’t want to give you the idea that the entire blogosphere is full of nothing but infantile squalling. Certain bloggers like Andrew Sullivan, Tim Blair, & Steven Den Beste would be almost readable if their writing styles were totally different and if they were from more acceptable nations like Belgium or France.
Furthermore, how can a biased “blog” (**shudder of contempt**) like Little Green Footballs compare to the journalistic integrity of newspapers like the Guardian? How can that dreadful Vodka Pundit possibly measure up to the wondrous magic of a real journalist like Eleanor Clift? Worst of all, in what sort of Luciferian nightmare can a “blog” (**my skin is crawling**) like Beers Across America exist? Not only does this web page have the word “America” in it which all real journalists know is a faux pas equal to wearing white after Labor Day, but it has the word “beer” in the title as well. Have you ever heard of a newspaper with the word “beer” as part of it’s name? I rest my case as I sneer in contempt at the so called “blogosphere.” Harrumph, harrumph!!!
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