by John Hawkins | January 16, 2004 11:59 pm
Do you believe Bush was behind 9/11, had Paul Wellstone murdered, and suspect that W. is going to throw all the liberals in deathcamps one day? If so, you’re a member of the “tinfoil hat crowd”! But, while your head may be covered with a glorious, aluminum, stetson that will keep out the mind control rays from the “Ashcroft 1 satellite” circling over your house in space, what about your pet? You never thought of that one, did you smart guy? Remember when kitty threw-up on the rug? Bush was probably making her do that with a mind control ray because he wanted to provide a distraction from Haliburton or Enron! Sure that SEEMS implausible…so implausible that it must be THE TRUTH!!!
But, what can you do? There’s no way to stop the Bush family evil empire from using their mind control ray on your pet…or IS THERE? Thanks to Ebay, now your precious pet can be protected! That’s right, let me introduce you to the hottest new product for all of the Dennis Kucinich supporters out there, “Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT)“…
This ultra modern aluminum foil hat will protect your pet from the brain scanning rays of the NSA, certain ‘auction’ websites, fbi.com, and CIA satellites that are monitoring their little subversive thoughts. You may not have considered this before, but your lead lined hat is worthless if your pet can give away your secrets to the very people most dangerous to you – your government!
The PFHT contains space age materials, and is guaranteed to work for your pet. All government I/O is cut off. It’s like a firewall for your pet’s brain.
PFHT” will not disappoint anyone who doesn’t want to get noticed by the ever watchful FBI.com!
Features of this product:
– 100% effective at stopping the government from reading your pet’s brain.
– Blocks the CIA brain scans.
– Scrambles the NSA brain scans.
– Poaches the FBI.com brain scans.
– Bakes potatoes when placed around a potato in a hot oven.
– Works as a Valentine’s Day gift for your pet!
Use “The Hat” only as recommended:
– Pet Rocks do not need the PFHT since they are immune to brain scans, because they lack brains. That, and you’ll confuse the poor pet rock.
– This particular model Foil Hat Technology is good underwater on your fish, or outdoors in the rain.
– Do not attempt to tamper with the PFHT. It has built in “anti-authority” technology which will make it burst into flames upon close inspection by authorities. Please do not put the PFHT in the microwave.
– One size fits all pets, thanks to the adjustable “sizing fold”. Do not attempt to adjust the size of your pet’s head to fit the PFHT.”
Buy them now, before they sell out and the Ashcroft 1 satellite makes kitty pee all over your autographed copy of “‘Earth in the Balance’! On the other hand, maybe you could just chuck your stupid cat and get a loyal, lovable, dog, who would never betray you even if he were being influenced with a mind control ray
Source URL: https://rightwingnews.com/uncategorized/you-need-pet-foil-hat-technology/
Copyright ©2021 John Hawkins' Right Wing News unless otherwise noted.