I Am Judith Warner. I Am A Liberal Woman. Hear Me Meow.

Liberal women need to get laid.

That’s the only conclusion to come to after reading this tripe from Judith Warner in the New York Times, no less:

The other day a friend of mine confided that in the weeks leading up to the election, the Obamas’ apparent joy as a couple had made her just miserable. Their marriage looked so much happier than hers. Their life seemed so perfect. “I was at a place where I was tempted daily to throttle my husband,” she said. “This coincided with Michelle saying the most beautiful things about Barack. Each time I heard her speak about him I got tears in my eyes — because I felt so far away from that kind of bliss in my own life and perhaps even more, because I was so moved by her expressions of devotion to him. And unlike previous presidential couples, they are our age, have children the same age and (just imagine the stress of daily life on the campaign) by all accounts should have been fighting even more than we were.”

Are you frakking kidding me? Oh, it gets worse:

Many women — not too surprisingly — were dreaming about sex with the president. In these dreams, the women replaced Michelle with greater or lesser guilt or, in the case of a 62-year-old woman in North Florida, whose dream was reported to me by her daughter, found a fully above-board solution: “Michelle had divorced Barack because he had become ‘too much of a star.’ He then married my mother, who was oh so proud to be the first lady,” the daughter wrote me.

To reiterate: 1. Liberal women need to get laid and 2. They need to progress past the pre-pubescent developmental stage emotionally. What a bunch of little girls.

So liberal women are silly-headed children with baby crushes on the American President. Well, thanks for revealing what most people already know: you’re vapid and annoying.

Also, not one word about Sarah Palin. No doubt, you have an opinion about her, a bad one, I bet. You know, she’s accomplished something on her own, she didn’t have sex with anyone to get to her position of prominence, and she’s actually done something besides sitting around kvetching over lattés about the President’s abs. You hate her because you’re an immature, prepubescent, unaccomplished little girl who lives in fantasy-land and she’s the beautiful, smart, accomplished one. Wow. It’s all so Freudian it’s boring.

Finally, the New York Times wonders why they’re losing readership. Do they really wonder? A hint: Perhaps a little more hard news and a little less mind-numbing, insulting, fan-boy writing is due.

Also weighing in on this nonsense, Rachel Lucas:

You really should read the whole thing. I didn’t even quote all the bits about how envious all the yuppie assholes are that they aren’t president, that they didn’t achieve all the “greatness” that the Obamas have, that their kids should get to sleep in the White House and go to Sidwell friends school because after all, we are all just like the Obamas! They are just like us! So real and easy to relate to! They have the perfect marriage and hot sex and OH CHRIST ON THE MOUNTAIN, MAKE IT STOP.

The next four years are going to blow for so many reasons. Not the least of which will be the breathy Op-Eds from undersexed suburban women projecting their man fantasies on Barack Obama.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Cross-posted at MelissaClouthier.com Please join the conversation with me over at Twitter!

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