John Hawkins — Political Gun For Hire Part 4

John Hawkins — Political Gun For Hire Part 4: Apparently the Saudis started a trend with their advertising campaign that was designed to improve their image in the US (although I haven’t seen any evidence that it worked). Now the Israelis have decided to give it go. Generally, I think this sort of thing is just a waste of money but if they’re going to do it, they should do it up right. Here are a few off-the-wall suggestions for three nations that might need a PR campaign…

Saudi Arabia: (Suggestion: They should use the ugly truth to their advantage.) “Let’s face it, when you Americans think of Saudi Arabia you think fascism, oppression, and a police state. All of that is true — which is why we’ve offered to keep any members of al-Queda that America captures in our prison system. Here they have no right to an attorney, torturing them to get information is encouraged, and our corrupt judges will execute anyone you want — you have only to ask. Better yet, there is no free press here so no one will ever know about it. America, let Saudi Arabia’s corrupt justice system help you win the war on terrorism!

Israel: (Suggestion: The Israelis should take a page from the Democrat’s playbook on this one) “Seniors — did you know that Yasser Arafat wants the United States to take the “Social Security Trust Fund” and spend it on rifles, explosives, and rocket launchers for Palestinian terrorists? Ariel Sharon is against this “risky scheme.” Support Israel and protect your social security!

Iraq: (Suggestion: Use a celebrity spokesman) “Hi, my name is Vin Diesel. You may have seen my latest movie, “XXX” where I play a criminal recruited by the US government to take out a terrorist network. Well I’m here tonight on the behalf of another criminal — Saddam Hussein. Sure Saddam is dangerous, amoral, and supports terrorists, but that’s why he’s exactly the type of man America needs on their side in the ‘war on terrorism.’ You want Yassir Arafat dead? Saddam can launch a scud into his compound in 45 minutes. Do you think Syria is supporting terrorism? Saddam is ready to invade. Is Saudi Arabia being “uncooperative” in the war on terrorism? Saddam thinks they’ll learn to love America again when his tanks roll up to their border. And this time any Iraqi who even gets NEAR an oil well will be tortured to death in front of his entire company as a lesson to others.

So America, take if from me — Vin Diesel — Iraq’s new slogan, “America — shouldn’t you invade Iraq last?” is right on target.”

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