The Fisking Dutchman

The Fisking Dutchman: Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit fame linked a ridiculous letter from a Dutch journalist that I thought was worth fisking.

To the Ambassador, the US embassy,
CC. President George W. Bush

“The Foreign Press Foundation in The Netherlands strongly condemns the attempt by right wing forces to destabilize Venezuela and overthrow the democratically-elected government of Hugo Chavez.

We are firmly convinced that this movement is being actively supported by your government, which has systematically backed, organized and financed every right wing coup and conspiracy against progressive governments in the western hemisphere, while supporting every brutal right wing dictatorship.

So what “firmly convinced” this guy that Bush is behind the problems in Venezuela? Did the voices in his head tell him Bush was responsible? Did he find a crystal ball in one of those dikes in the Netherlands that let him see some CIA operative running around in Venezuela plotting a coup? This is like the Ted Rall crowd speculating the GOP had Wellstone murdered. Sure there may not be any evidence, but they really don’t like Bush which means it MUST be true.

“You pretend to stand for democracy while trampling democracy underfoot everywhere.”

Like in Afghanistan where the noble and democratic Taliban were replaced with a totalitarian regime run by a guy with a funny hat.

“You pretend to stand for self-determination and national independence while staging acts of unprovoked aggression against sovereign states which do not agree to accept the dictates of Washington.”

Well, he’s half right. If you support terrorists, we’re going to wipe you out. But, are we pretending to support democracy in Taiwan, Israel, and South Korea where democratic regimes are standing up to totalitarian enemies with our help? What about Afghanistan? What about the Democracy we’ll leave in place after we leave Iraq a few years down the road — once the dictatorship is in place and we’ve renamed their country “New Texas” ! Hahah, I’m “just funnin” about that part Dutchman…har har har…

“Do not imagine that your actions in Venezuela will pass unnoticed.”

Well our imagined imperialism, our imagined war for oil, our imaginary war against Muslims, and our imagined empire haven’t gone unnoticed, so I’m sure this won’t go unnoticed either.

You will not be allowed to enter like a thief in the night to plunder the oil of that country as you plan to do in Iraq. You will stand condemned in the eyes of the world.

Yes, we’re going plunder all the oil in Iraq. We’ve probably got a spaceship that we’re going to use to suck all the air out of the planet’s atmosphere and..wait, wait, that’s the plot to “Spaceballs.” This is supposed to be more like “Ice Pirates”, except we’ll be stealing their oil instead of their ice.

We condemn the inhumane actions of the United States and other states and intelligence agencies, to interfere in the internal affairs of so many countries in the world.”

If only we could all be like the Dutch and do…well…whatever it is they do inconsequential countries.



Henk Ruyssenaars
Foreign Press Foundation
[email protected]
The Netherlands’

There is nothing that finishes off an article about imaginary imperialism quite as well as a quote from an actual imperialist. All Ruyssenaars’ needed was a quote from Jimmy Carter talking about how to make the economy hum and a Bill Clinton quote explaining why it’s so important to tell the truth and this whole thing would be perfect.

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