ACPOTI: I Might Still Be Interested In Amputating That Toe Myself Someday

Marc Miyake from Amaravati: Abode Of Amritas alerted me to the existence of a Yahoo group with over 4000 members called “amputee-by-choice“.

Now, I know that right now you’re probably thinking, “Hawkins, please, please, please, tell me there aren’t a bunch of sickos out there who want to chop off their own bodyparts”. Sorry folks, not only do they exist, but they’re getting together on Yahoo and trying to convince each other that they’re not crazy. But, that’s what the internet is all about, right? Bringing people together?

Prepare yourself for some of the highlights/lowlights/scary weirdness that I ran across in the latest episode of ACPOTI (Anyone can post on the internet)….

t8_de: “i have amputated my little toes years ago. now i want to stimulate the old nerves for some sensation. i tried to apply high voltage by an electro shocker to the stump. i felt the stump, but nothing from the lost toe. does any of you have any idea how to get a sensation from the toe?”

wavesurfin: “if a person uses a rubber band on a finger or toe-how long would it take to render the appendage damaged beyond repair therefore necessitating amputation?”

internet2world: “Jenn, please post video of you wiggling your stumps! Will you amputate your right toes also?”

snowbladebum: “Well, I can’t ignore it any more. My right leg bk has to go. It has been driving me absolutely nuts. Whenever I am not at work I think about it non stop. When I am at work, I think about it. Even when I sleep, I have dreams of the “new” me living my daily life without this d@mn leg. I have thought through every situation; how my life would be, what are they down sides, every single detail. It wouldn’t really affect me at all once I got used to it, as long as I kept my knee. Also, if I could get a good prosthetic, I could still ski as hard as I do. I have to say, mentally I am ready. I dunno how long the down time would be, and I don’t want to miss out this winter, so I might do it come spring time. The problem though, is how. I have to make it look like an innocent accident. I live in an area where there is plenty of hiking and big boulders. Maybe if I could find one that’s not too stable, and maybe with my buddy, get him to push it to pin my leg, or roll over it. Another thing I have thought of is dropping something very heavy out of the bed of my truck, which just happened to knock me over and land on my leg. My most logical one though, so I don’t risk injuring the rest of myself (too bad), is maybe park my truck on a steep hill, facing up hill, a few feet away from a cement wall or something behind it. My buddy lets off the brakes while I am in the back and my leg didn’t get out of the way from between the object and rear bumper fast enough. Hey, I was just getting into the back to unload something, and the truck just “slipped out of gear”, I guess I forgot to set the e-brake, and just didn’t get out of the way in time 🙂 Anyway, I don’t know how much it would take. I want this to be a one time deal, not just break my leg and go through hell for a couple months waiting for it to heal, and end up no better off than before. I don’t know if you know of anyone with a leg amputation, or know the procedure, but I am curious to know how much time I would be spending in the hospital, how long till I could wear the “temporary” prosthetic they give you, etc. This is basically the anticipated “down time” I would have until I could get back to work. If you have any info/advise/comments, etc., I would greatly appreciate them. Thanks,”

cchaffie: “Does anyone know a surgeon or how to get a surgeon to amputate healthy toes? I will pay good money to have 4 of my toes removed. Any ideas are appreciated.”

Radiologist: “I have tried to amputate my fourth toe (the one next to my little toe) on my left foot since 1980.

I don’t know why that toe. I guess I reasoned that my left leg was the least important, and that toe was the least used. The reasoning has long since passed, but the desire burns just as strongly today. But as strongly as my desire burns to hurt and/or remove that toe, I have absolutely no desire to do that to any other toe, finger, foot, hand, leg, or arm.

I’ve tried to cut off the toe’s circulation many, many times using a variety of materials (500+ times). I also went through periods of time where I took vice grips and would twist the toe until it would crack (500+ times). I’ve stuck many pins and needles through the toe (50 times). I even cut the base of it once, hoping to sever the nerve, but it just caused a lot of bleeding, and the doctor had to tape my toes together until the cut healed.

It’s now permanently disfigured, but it’s still there. I went to two different orthopedists, hoping to talk them into removing it because of all the “pain” it was causing me. Both of them agreed that the toe has some problems, but amputation was too great of a step to take at that point. Both gave me cortisone shots (ow, ow, OWWWWWW) and the inflamation went down some. I never followed up with either doc to try and convince them that I was ready for the amputation.

I might still be interested in amputating that toe myself someday, but I really don’t think I want a doctor to do it for me.

As long as I keep the toe, at least I’m able to enjoy my work. I get a rush out of looking down at my deformed toe. I’m proud of my small effort at body sculpting. The toe is darker than my other toes, lumpy, and over twice as big around as the same toe on my right foot.

Someday I might change my mind and decide to let a doctor amputate it after all, or maybe I’ll find a satisfactory way of amputating it myself, but for now I’m satisfied knowing that I’ve screwed up my toe pretty good, and that makes me proud.”

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