An Open, Semi-Serious Letter To Condi

“The Americans are 120 percent biased in favor of Israel. That’s why Rice is coming to save Israel from defeat and humiliation. The US always intervenes when Israel is in trouble.” — Osama al-Mazini, a Hamas political leader

Dear Condi Rice:

In order to be fair to our friends in the Palestinian territories and Lebanon, please do not stop Hamas and Hezbollah from defeating and humiliating the Israelis by being bombed. Each time Israel blows up another building, kills another terrorist, and drives a tank through another house, their enemies grow closer to victory and the Israelis are apparently growing closer to defeat — or something.

So, please don’t step in.

Still, the Israelis are our friends and so we should keep shipping them bombs and telling them that we support them as they “punch themselves out” by hitting Hamas and the Palestinians again and again, for as long as they want. Then, after the Israelis finally trudge home defeated, over the rubble and corpses of their enemies, perhaps the Palestinian and Lebanese victors will show magnanimity in victory and will negotiate an acceptable end to this whole conflict.

Hope you’ll consider it, Condi!

John Hawkins

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