Animal Rights Wacko For Sale?

Ingrid Newkirk, the head of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is a complete and utter wack-job. However, assuming this story is legit, she does get major style points for selling her services on Ebay as a Personal Assistant for a Day with this description attached:

“Here’s a unique chance to hire hands-on corporate administrator and founder Ingrid Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), as your personal assistant for a day.

Use her experience in animal matters and corporate know-how to good advantage, perhaps by having her accompany you on your annual hunting expedition or to the rodeo or a bullfight.

What about having her redesign your animal testing lab or your bear bile farm, check your trapline, sharpen the lamb mulesing shears on your Outback farm or unload your poor old sheep from the docks in Dubai, build supports to stop your cattle from slipping off the truck ramps at the leather market, or count how many times the workers at your slaughterhouse miss with the captive-bolt gun?

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You can have her clean rodent cages or racehorse stalls, serve customers at your dog-soup restaurant, or just have her listen for hours to your hunting club members expound on their manhood.

Of course, as one of the world’s most prominent animal rights leaders, Newkirk would gladly also help you veganize your corporate cafeteria or cook your family’s dinner, bring your wardrobe into the 21st century by going with you on a compassionate shopping spree, or cap your chimney to keep wildlife out of your fireplace this winter. She could help you select cruelty-free holiday gifts, train you to be nicer to your Rottweilers or teach you how to talk to your cats, restock your bathroom cabinet with cruelty-free toiletries and cleaning products, or swap out your sticky glue traps for Havahart® humane box traps.

Or perhaps you have other ideas.

Newkirk is available to give you honest critiques or humane advice or just do what you’d like her to do as long as it’s legal and, if animal suffering or death is involved, you did not cause it or add to it in any way specifically for this occasion.”

Imagine how much fun it would be to have Ingrid Newkirk working in your slaughterhouse or carrying a dead dear back to your car after a long day of hunting. No wonder the auction is already up to $6100.

Furthermore, what if this whole concept caught on and you had other public figures auctioning themselves for a day? You could have Michael Moore stuffing envelopes for the Republican National Committee or you could send Cindy Sheehan to a pro-war rally.

What a blast it would be!

Hat tip to RWN reader Mark Troughton for the story.

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